Friday, December 23, 2005

Just a few minutes....

to post an update. Yay, I made it through Friday at work! She can come anytime now. This afternoon would be good. I can't wait to sleep on my back or my stomach or anything but my side again.

My brother made it in safely, so it's been good to see him. My daughter just adores him. It's so cute.

Her last day of daycare was yesterday. It was so sad in a way. My husband is pretty worried about her and the havoc we're about to wreak on her little life, but I remember being worried when she started there after he first got his job. Again, a lot of havoc and she did wonderfully, so I know she'll be great.

My grandmother made it in safely yesterday as well. I'm glad she came for Christmas, but she's already driving me crazy, and I've only spent a few hours with her. Another week and a half is going to be hard. At least when my husband gets home, we can limit our time with my family.

I told my mother our plans for when the baby is born and introducing her to her big sister. We (my husband and I) really want it to be just the 4 of us in the room when we make the introduction. I told my mother this as a warning that we're not trying to hurt anyone's feelings, but we don't want any more than that. Her response, "Well, can we come peek at the baby?" Um, did you not just hear what I said? I told her she could after we had introduced our 2 year old to her. Her response? "Well, can your husband come pick her up from the car in the parking lot? We're not going to bring her in and not see the baby."

I was like, what the f---?!! I ask for one thing -- ONE THING. I told her that was fine -- I'd send him down to retrieve her. She could tell I was pissed about it. She said that there was no reason for them to come up unless they were going to see the baby. I told her that we didn't want hours and hours alone, but at least 15 minutes or something. She decided that they could probably bring our 2 year old to the lobby and drop her off there (with my husband of course) and get a coke or something from the cafeteria and come back. We'll see if it actually happens that way. I think she's willing to respect my wishes (especially since she could tell that I was going to be pissed if it doesn't happen that way), but she'll have my grandmother and my father with her as well. I'm tempted to tell my husband to block the door if anyone tries to come in. He told me that they probably just want to see my daughter's reaction as well, but still. I don't have too many demands as far as things go. I don't want them in the delivery room, but she knew that was coming. I don't think it's too much to ask that my family respect our wishes on this one.

So, as of now, we're all set for Tuesday. But, she can feel free to arrive anytime before then as well. I don't know if I'll have a chance to post before then, so it might be after she's here before I post again.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

My Last Appointment

We had our last appointment this morning. Surprisingly, there was no wait time. By the time I was sitting down, they were calling us back. Shocking, I know, especially for my OB's office. Everything looked good, urine good (no comments on how I need to drink more water this time), blood pressure good, weight, well, good enough (I passed the dreaded 200 mark -- I was afraid that would happen, but it means that baby is growing well, so I can't complain too much), baby measuring well, heartbeat in the 150s.

Dr. B comes in to talk to us. He asks me if I got the shakes (shivers, whatever) when I had my daughter. That's a no. Or at least it is as far as I remember. I think I would have remembered that, so I'd have to say no. He wants to make sure that I know that isn't uncommon at all and not to worry if I do get them this time. My group B strep test was negative. So, therefore, we are all systems go for next week.

Then he tells us that we should make sure the camera is ready. He's seen it time and time again. Batteries are dead. No film. New camera -- don't know how to operate. Um, okay, well, I know how to work my camera, I've already charged the batteries (although I'm sure I'll do that again anyway), and I've uploaded everything that was on the memory card of my digital camera, so it's free.

He also suggested that many of his patients get professional portraits done before they deliver. Yeah, okay, well, next time I have lots of cash lying around just waiting to be spent, I'll do that. As it is, I was barely able to pay my electric bill last Friday before they shut if off, so no pictures unless I take them myself. And, well, with the stretch marks and all, I don't know if I want to do that. I am thinking about taking a few of me and my daughter in front of the tree as a gift for my husband. I have a shirt that will match her little Christmas dress.

Then he asked if I had any questions?

Yes, what if my cervix isn't ready? What then? I don't want to get there and find out that I can't have a baby that day. He looks at my chart and sees that last week zip, nada, nothing was happening, so he decides to check me again this week (which I guess he normally doesn't do). Especially since I haven't had many contractions. Well, apparently something is working because I'm now 50% effaced and 1 cm dilated. As long as the little monkey decides to stay put for a few more days, we're all set. No worries.

Monday, December 19, 2005

Appointment Tomorrow

My 37 week (and hopefully last) appointment is tomorrow morning. My next appointment is scheduled for the 27th. I better be in the hospital having a baby that day. The only way that I won't be is if everyone in the city decides to go into labor and my induction gets bumped. I am #2 on their list of inductions, so I don't see that as likely.

I'm predicting no change from last week. She definitely hasn't dropped. I know this by the fact that I can feel pressure on my sternum! I think she's trying to see if she can wiggle her little butt up into my rib cage. But, only one more week and one day to go. I can take almost anything that long.

I probably ought to check the weather forecast to see what days would be bad for baby bugger to get here. However, the local weathermen are so bad at predicting the weather that they are likely to get it wrong. According to, anytime after tomorrow is good. Nice and sunny.

I also should probably finish packing my bag. I don't know why I've put this off for so long. Maybe because I feel like I live out of a suitcase for most of the week anyway. What do I need to take? I packed and took a lot the first time. I have a much more scaled down list this time:

Toiletries (contacts, glasses, toothbrush, toothpaste, hairbrush) are already packed because I never unpack them. They travel back and forth with my daughter and I. I just have to put the little bag into my hospital bag.

Makeup. I already know there are going to be lots of pictures, but I hate makeup. I'll probably throw it in anyway. It's packed in a matching bag with my toiletries.

Baby coming home outfit. Already packed (including socks!).
Baby blanket. Already packed.

Mommy coming home outfit. Half packed (the shirt is packed, the pants are in the laundry somewhere).
Mommy nightgowns. Half packed (I have one in the bag and another in the laundry somewhere).

Camera. I've already charged the batteries and emptied the memory card in the digital camera. I've also charged the camcorder and put in a new tape. Should be good to go.

Carseat. Washed, cleaned, ready to go. I will put it in the car Sunday or Monday. That will be weird to see two carseats in our car.

So, let's see, what am I forgetting?
Nursing bra -- might want to buy at least one of those -- preferably two.
Shampoo and soap. Those could be helpful after I've just had a baby. I don't want to smell like I just had a baby.
Maybe a hair dryer to make my hair look good for pictures. I'm so vain. I've kept my toenails painted and my legs shaved for about 2 weeks now (although I assure you neither of those tasks is easy). Oh, and my eyebrows plucked.

My husband also pointed out that I might want to pack a bag for my 2 year old. Ooops! That had totally slipped my mind (what a great mother I am!). My parents might appreciate me making sure she has clothes and diapers when I send her out.

I'm sure that there are other things I'm forgetting, but I remember packing a lot of stuff last time and not needing hardly any of it. I don't feel like lugging it back and forth if I don't need it. Plus, we live about 10 minutes from the hospital, so how hard would it be for me to send my husband for anything I need?

Friday, December 16, 2005

No, I have not been on a jury this entire time....

I'm just getting really lazy at this end of my pregnancy. So, let me try to sum up the last week and a half or so.

1. Went to jury duty. Very interesting process. There ended up being only one case that day, and they needed a 6 person jury. I was juror #11, so I figured I should be pretty safe since 5 people had to get bumped for me to make the jury. Four people got bumped. They took through juror #10. Whew! Dodged a bullet there.

2. Office party last Thursday went well. Catering was only an hour late. But we had a lot of fun and good food. We had a white elephant gift exchange. A white elephant gift in our office seems to be crap you don't want. The gift exchange is one where everyone draws numbers. Number 1 gets a gift from under the tree and opens it. Number 2 can then "steal" the gift from number 1 or get a different gift from under the tree. There were a couple of neat things, but mostly weird stupid stuff. I say at least get something people could use. But, that would probably defeat the purpose. There is a vase that has been circulating around the office every year during this exchange for about 15 years now. Scary.

3. Monday, the boss bought us lunch and we had a gift exchange between the secretaries. That went well. Spaghetti is always one of my favorites.

4. After lunch, we had our 36 week appointment. Woohoo! Everything looked good--BP normal, baby measuring right on, I gained a pound, so that puts me at 199 (maybe I won't hit 200). Apparently I'm not drinking enough water because my urine is cloudy or something like that. Whatever. If you had to drink the stuff that came out of the water fountain, you wouldn't be getting enough either. I make up for it in the evening when I'm dying of thirst. And then I make up for that overnight when I have to get up to pee over and over again. Bottom line, I'm getting enough water. It just didn't happen to be right before my appointment. I had my group B strep test and he checked my cervix. Absolutely nothing is going on. No dilation, no effacement. My OB assured me she hasn't dropped. No shit. I think she's clinging to my ribs like a little monkey right now. But, the most exciting part of the appointment...dum-da-da-dum! We have an induction date! If the little bugger doesn't try to escape early, I will be induced on December 27th. Yay!

This is a good date for many reasons. It is before December 31st -- very important -- need that tax credit. This is after December 23rd -- very important -- need to work through the 23rd so that I get my holiday pay for the last week in December or else we are what is known as "financially screwed". So, all the stupid idiots in my family who think it would be cool for this to be her first Christmas better just shut up before I scream when they mention it. Sorry, I'm getting a little hormonal anymore. And I will scream if anyone mentions to me that they think that's a sign that she's coming early. Just kidding. Sort of.

So, in short -- I must work through the 23rd. My husband needs (not necessarily a must) to work through the 24th. Since I would kind of like to have him around when she's born, baby cannot be born before 9:00 PM on the 24th or after the 31st. I don't think that's too much to ask. Obviously, if she chooses a different time, I can't really argue, but my preference would be between those dates. And I don't care if she's a Christmas baby. As long as they can get the anesthesiologist in to do the epidural and I don't get a crappy nurse and my OB is in town (which I get the feeling he won't be since they moved the date to the 27th rather than the 26th so that he would be here), she can arrive on Christmas. The anesthesiologist would be the most important of those 3. I can deal with a bad nurse, and my 2 year old was born on a Sunday, so my OB missed her birth as well.

Monday, December 05, 2005

Busy Day Tomorrow....

I have a meeting tomorrow afternoon that I cannot miss. Well, wouldn't that be the day that I have to report for jury duty? Of course it would.

So, seriously, what are my chances of making the jury? Would you choose the pregnant woman who looks like she'll go into labor if she doesn't get excused? I may not go into labor, but I can guarantee a panic attack. Complete with throwing up and dizziness and general feeling awful. I hope not, but it could happen.

I just want to go in, be excused, go to work, and go to my meeting. That's it. No fuss. So, I'm praying that is what happens.

My co-worker assures me that I could use my daughter to get out of it, but I have this thing about lying and signing my name to it.....she also just throws hers away and goes by the "they can't prove I actually got it in the mail" theory. Again, don't want to do that. So, I'm going with the karma will be good to me for actually showing up and I'll get out of it theory. Yeah, I've been watching
My Name Is Earl.

Friday, December 02, 2005

Why is it...

that people feel the need to tell horror stories to pregnant women?

When I was pregnant with my daughter, I got to hear the labor horror stories. I worked in an office with mostly women, and I heard about how I shouldn't have an epidural because they don't work. One woman's never took and the other woman's "went the wrong way." She told me that it numbed the upper half of her body rather than the lower. This was the same woman who told her son (at age 8) that she'd never had stitches except for when she had an episiotomy (which she then explained to him). Anyway, I've now been through labor and had a picture perfect time of it. I use my story to counteract the ones that are horror stories that soon to be first time mommies hear.

So, what do you get the second time around?

Well, people know they can't scare you with the labor stories. You've been there, done that. So, they start in on the sibling rivalry stories. Complete strangers. I've had more than one complete stranger tell me their stories of how their kids hated their new sibling and on and on and on. So what? Your kid isn't my kid.

I'm not saying I think my daughter will just jump right in and think that her baby sister is the best thing to ever happen to her, but I don't think she'll be trying to do anything drastic . I remember hearing the labor horror stories and mine turned out fine, so now, I choose to believe that everything will turn out fine with my daughter and her baby sister. If not, I'm sure I'll be asking advice from the parents who've been there and done that. But, I won't tell anyone my horror stories.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

It's Never A Good Sign.....

when I wake up late. Not too late, but enough to feel rushed. I got dressed, got my daughter up, got her dressed, got her some fruit loops in a bag to eat in the car (hey, she ate breakfast even if it was out of a bag in the car), gave her a sippy cup of milk, grabbed stuff for me for lunch, grabbed my purse, grabbed the diaper bag, put the carseat in the car, and off we went.

Since I had a doctor's appointment at 9:30, I figured I should take her to get a flu shot before there was no point anymore. I called yesterday, and they told me that it's a nurse appointment (yay, no copay!) and that they do them between 8:00 and 8:30. Great, I could take her to the doctor, get the shot, take her to daycare, and go to my doctor's appointment. Good plan, right?

Good plan. So, yesterday I looked up the address on the internet (most up to date you would think). I had a pretty good idea where it was. This morning, I looked it up in the phone book to get the exact street address in case I had any problems. I was running a little behind, but I drove right to it. That never happens to me. I get lost very easily. However, there were no other cars in the parking lot. I tried to convince myself that it was because all the smart parents had already gotten flu shots for their kids. But, there was a sign on the door. I shook my head and told my daughter this was a bad sign. The sign said:

We will be closed Thursday and Friday of this week. I first thought it was from last week and hadn't been taken down. Realizing it wasn't, I got a little angry that when I called yesterday and said I was bringing my daughter in the morning, no one bothered to tell me that they would be closed (I didn't have to make an appointment for the shot). We will reopen in our new location on Monday, October 10th, at XXX Street. I tried to keep my cool as I realized that in the attempt to get my daughter her shot, I have called no less than three times in the past month, and no one ever said anything remotely like, "Hey, you do know that we've moved, right?"

So, we get to the new location about 8:15 or so. Shots are from 8:00 to 8:30. They took my insurance information and such. Afterward, the receptionist says, "The nurse isn't here yet, but she should be here any minute." Come again. She knows which location to go to. I shouldn't be waiting on her. But we did. She got there around 8:30 (or at least that's when we got called back). Got the shot. My princess didn't even cry. She was too excited about the thought of the bandaid she was getting.

Then it was a rush to daycare where I hoped to drop her and run. Hahahahahahaha, I should have known better. The woman in the office says she needs to talk to me after I drop my daughter at her classroom. Okay. Hmmmm.....what now? So, I get to the classroom, but no class. Not good. They were in the gym. So, I get her dropped off, give her teacher a nice, "Good luck today, she got a shot and daddy went back to work, so she's sleepy and grumpy and full of flu shot," and head back to the office. They just wanted to know when the new baby would be starting. Um...never. How much notice did you need before my daughter left? 2 weeks. Can't forget.

Shot over to my doctor's office. I didn't have to wait very long in the waiting room. Thank goodness. The nurse's assistant (I think that's what she is) took my blood pressure, weight, and urine sample. The nurse came in and measured me and checked the heartbeat (in the 140s -- she must have been asleep). I waited a while (not too long, though), and Dr. B came in. He briefly talked to me about how we're getting close, that no two babies are alike in delivery (too bad because I had the dream delivery with my daughter). Then he asked me about pain management during labor. I told him that I wanted an epidural, that I would like to avoid narcotics, but that I would keep my options open. That saved him the trouble of talking me into an epidural. Yeah, I've been through labor before. I have a high respect for anyone who can do it without drugs. I certainly don't think I could have. Everything looks good, no questions. See you in two weeks.

So, I go back on the 12th for my 36 week appointment. I can't believe I'm this close already.

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Finally Home.....

and back at work today. It's good to be home and sleep in my own bed, you know?

I have an appointment tomorrow morning. I think it will be the only one that my husband will miss. He's been to all of them, and he's off for the rest of them, but this one had to be rescheduled, so he won't be there.

My daughter is back a daycare. I hope she's being good. I don't want to sign anything about her biting. It's been 5 weeks now. Surely, she can make it to the end of the year, right? Hahahahahaha. I wish. But she's doing well.

Baby is killing my ribs on my right side. She's just getting so big. I'm starting to get scared. What am I going to do with two? Oh, well, can't turn back now! I think it's because so much will be changing when she gets here. We'll be moving, I'll be looking for a new job, have a new baby, etc., etc., etc. It's just a lot to think about and worry about. And I am very good at worrying.

But, for now, I'm planning on enjoying the Christmas season. It's my favorite time of year. I need to call and get my daughter an appointment for her Christmas pictures. Then I have to pray that she doesn't break out or fall or anything like that this week. I better call before I forget.

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Happy Thanksgiving!

I hope you have a Happy Thanksgiving and eat lots and lots of good food! I know I will!

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

What is it....

about being around family that always puts me in a fowl mood? I love my family, and I can't imagine spending Thanksgiving any other way than with them, but it always puts me on edge and ups my stress level.

That and the fact that my brilliant daughter can open the front door. As in, unlock it. When did she learn how to unlock doors? So, now I have to keep an extra close eye on her because she likes to go outside, and there's nothing to really stop her except for her fear of mommy. And that's a healthy fear.

She also knows where her timeout corner is at her great-grandparents house. That didn't take long to learn.

Most of my relatives aren't even here yet, but arriving today, so part of me is just on edge. I feel like I want to cry. Must be hormonal.

My grandparents house is a great house, but for some reason, I always feel a little anxious in it. Like I'm on the verge of a panic attack. Weird, huh? I can't explain it. Maybe it's because I first figured out what I was having when I had a panic attack at their house. So, now there's an association. I can't help but feel a little panicky.

And my main concern is the sleeping arrangements. I want the couch. My grandparents have this awesome couch that is so very comfortable. But my cousin likes to sleep on it. Well, he's not considerate enough to think of the pregnant insomniac who might want to sleep there and watch TV in the middle of the night. The computer room will have someone in it as well as the other TV room. Therefore, guess how much I can do when I wake up at 3AM unable to sleep. That's right. Nothing. Except lie in bed listening to the clock tick wishing I could go back to sleep.

So, tell me, if my cousin insists on sleeping on the couch in the living room, is it okay to wake my daughter up at 7:00AM and parade her through the living room making as much noise as possible? He's not really a morning person, so I'm thinking he wouldn't want to sleep on the couch the next night knowing that my precious daughter might get up early again. Is that wrong? My brain tells me no, but that could be the hormones talking. There's still a little common sense left that's saying that would be really mean and cruel, but the hormones are beating that part into submission.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

I know, I know....

I have a tendency to disappear for a while. Sorry.

Last week was very, very busy at work. And just long in general because I have all of this week off! Yay!

I'm visiting family for Thanksgiving, so my computer time is when I can catch a turn. Fortunately, I have become a pregnancy insomniac, so since no one wants a turn in the middle of the night, I shouldn't have any problem updating at that time if nothing else.

Thanks to everyone who checked on me to make sure I was alright. I really appreciate it.

Friday, November 11, 2005

Okay, seriously....

If my nose doesn't quit running, I'm going to go crazy. But, other than that, I'm feeling alright. I would be able to sleep better if my nose would quit running, though.

I get the impression that my daughter's not the only one in the class who's biting. The director had told me that when they have a lot of scratches showing up, they send home a note to all the parents asking them to trim their child's fingernail. That way the problem gets handled, but they aren't singling anyone out.

Well, when I got there yesterday, all the parents got a handout on biting. And how it's common at this age and not to worry. Is this for the parents of the biter? Or the parents of the children getting bitten? Probably for both. Fortunately, my child is neither the biter nor the bitee. I feel certain that I just jinxed myself by saying that, but it's been almost 3 entire weeks (will be 3 weeks Monday) since my little one attacked one of her classmates. At least she's not getting bitten.

Actually, I know who the other biter is. I hope her mother had to meet with the director. I'd hate to think that we're the only ones.

My daughter is definitely being a pill. I keep trying to remind myself that she's only 2. What can I realistically expect from her? Of course, the other night, my husband was lying on the couch and I was sitting on the floor. My daughter was starting to misbehave. I told her, "Come here!" in my best mommy voice. She walked up in front of me with a very mischievious look on her face. She then shuffled her feet and got closer. I was just about to talk to her when she got about an inch from my face. I looked a little puzzled and was about to launch into my speech on why we don't kick legos all around the living room (mainly becuase Mommy is the only one who manages to step on them) when she stuck her tongue out and started licking my nose. Just a couple of times like a little lizard. My husband had to put a pillow over his face to keep her from seeing how hard he was laughing. I was tempted to go and make sure it stayed there.

I do have to say that timeout is becoming a little more effective. It just frustrates me to no end when she thinks the point of timeout is to play with her shoes, hair, clothes, etc. If that's not an option, she sings songs. How is that a punishment? All is does is make Mommy mad. I'm trying to be more patient and selective in what is a timeout offense. I don't want her to spend her entire evening in timeout. However, I do want her to listen to me. I know, everyone who had older children is laughing at the fact that I want my 2 year old to listen.

At least it's Friday. Last weekend I made my daughter a no-sew fleece blanket with Nemo fleece. It was a big hit. We're going to the fabric store tomorrow to pick out fleece to make one for her baby sister. I'm going to let help my daughter pick the fabric. This could be interesting.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Still sick....

I hate being sick. I'm not lie in bed all day sick. Just stuff nose, feel like shit sick. Therefore, I'm at work. I figure that's where I got it anyway, so I might as well continue to spread it around.

My daughter's still being a pill. I don't know how, but she knows exactly what buttons to push and the exact WRONG time to push them. Mommy is losing patience.

Monday, November 07, 2005

What's worse....

than being sick?

Being sick and pregnant. I swear, if it can hurt, it does. I hate sleeping on my side. I'm a stomach sleeper by nature. I can't wait until I can sleep on my stomach again. For some reason, sleeping on my side gives me a dull ache between my shoulder blades. It goes away as the day progresses, but every morning when I wake up, there it is again. Ugh!

And why is it when I'm sick, my daughter is particularly trying? She is pushing all my buttons. And then she pushes all of her daddy's buttons. Just to make sure that no one in the house is in a good mood.

I hope I'm all better soon. I have no patience when I'm sick.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Is This Day Over Yet?

I'm so tired. I just want to go home and go to sleep!

After my husband left for work, my daughter woke up. I knew it wasn't a good sign when she said, "I wake up, Mama. Hold you (she means me, but always says you)."

We made a big pallet in the living room floor. After it became really clear that there was no way she was going back to sleep with the TV on (big surprise there), I had to turn it off. She went back to sleep. Guess who didn't.

Oh, well. The day is almost over, so then I can go home. Surely she'll be tired tonight. Surely.

And tomorrow's Friday. Can't beat that (unless tomorrow was Saturday).

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

She Understands.....

Since I've been pregnant, I'm very curious (rather than worried) about how my daughter will react to her new baby sister. She'll be about 2 years and 4 months old when Baby Bugger gets here. She seems to understand that Mommy's going to have a baby. However, I don't know if she actually knows the concept of baby and what that means for her.

Yesterday at daycare, they did an art project. The kids are "studying" families and everyone's unique family. So, their project was to take these paper cutouts of a woman, a man, a little boy, and a little girl and create their family. So 90% of the paper families were a woman, a man, and one child. There were about 2 with siblings and one single-parent family.

When the teacher was helping my daughter, she chose a mommy, a daddy, and a little girl. They were gluing (glueing -- how the hell do you spell that) attaching the figures with glue, but my daughter was adament that her family wasn't complete. She kept patting her tummy and saying, "Baby." They know I'm pregnant, so they asked her if Mommy was going to have another baby. She told them, "Baby sister in mama's tummy." So, they wrote "+baby" on the mommy figure (who was nice and slender -- ha!).

I was shocked that she realized that baby sister was part of her family, and that it was important to include her. She wanted to make sure that her baby sister was considered part of her family. I thought it was so sweet. She's more perceptive than I thought. We'll see what she thinks in a few weeks when baby sister is no longer in Mama's tummy and is out in the real world.

My daughter also has another new trick. She insists on chocolate milk. This was meant to be a temporary fix when she wasn't drinking milk very well. We added chocolate syrup to it, and she loves it that way. I've tried to wean her off the chocolate since then, but if I put less in it, she can taste it and asks that I add more chocolate.

When I hand it to her, I ask her, "Now what do we do?"
She replies, "Shake it up."

As a joke, I started singing to her, "Shake, shake, shake; Shake, shake, shake; Shake your booty." Yeah. Not smart on my part.

She now sings along, but has changed the words to, "Shakin' my booty," while she literally does just that. It's hilarious. But I can't stop. Whenever I hand her the milk, I start the song for her. It always bring a smile to my face.

So, would it be wrong to capture this on video to torture her with in about 20 years or so? She can use it as a way to show others how her parents messed her up from a young age.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

It's November....

I know, two posts in a row. Starting a crazy trend here. My ivillage pregnancy calendar has this to say about today:

"Bloated. If your blood pressure is normal, and you don't have protein in your urine, your puffy face, hands, legs, and feet are probably normal.
Tired. If you are working, you probably keep a secret calendar in your desk that counts the days, hours, and minutes until your maternity leave starts. "

Not bloated (knock on wood). Tired. Well, duh! What's this about a secret calendar? Who keeps those? According to the ticker I just created, it is just 1 month, 3 weeks, and 1 day until my last day of work. Or 7 weeks and 4 days. It depends on the ticker. But, who's counting?

I'm hungry. Baby Bugger must be going through a growth spurt. I can't get enough to eat. Even with the heartburn and nausea (which has made a remarkable 3rd trimester return -- lucky me), I still can't get enough to eat.

I'm almost afraid to mention that we've gone an amazing 5 entire days without a report from daycare about biting. However, I expect this to change soon since Miss Nicole (the teacher I love at my daughter's daycare) is leaving. Her last day is Friday. She's starting back to school in January and is taking a little time to be with her family. The nerve. Can't she stay through December 23rd?

I did meet her replacement. Elizabeth. I'm willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. Our first meeting wasn't encouraging.

It was the day after I got to her daycare and the kids (and their teachers) were on the playground. My daughter was on the tire swing (her favorite place to be). She was about to start swinging when Andrew (the child she "targets" with her biting) came up and put his foot in. He wanted to swing too. I didn't know if the kids often share the swing, so I was watching to see what happened. There were 2 teachers at the other end of the playground chit-chatting. My daughter tells Andrew no and to stop. This was something we discussed as important with the director. She needed to learn to use her words and as she got better about it, the biting would get better. That only works if the teachers are paying attention. If I hadn't walked up, and Andrew had persisted in getting in the swing, well, there would have been a biting incident. So, it was averted. While I was signing her out on the clipboard that her teacher handed me, the teacher was still chit-chatting with the other teacher. Neither of them noticed when my daughter walked to the baby gate to get into the classroom waiting for me. And neither of them noticed the other little boy who walked up next to her. Right next to her. In her personal space. Again, telling him to move and trying to move away from him got her nowhere, so she finally hit him. Both teachers were smart enough not to say anything to my child. That would have started a fight. I am a non-confrontational person (despite the things I think in my head and would love to say aloud), but mess with my child, and I will start a confrontation. I decided not to do anything (as far as speaking with the director), but I was not happy. I wrote everything down and documented all I saw so that it can be addressed if the director sees the need to meet again. At least I can defend my daughter. She's trying. She's only 2.

The next day, I met Elizabeth. I got there, and my daughter was playing in the dirt (near the swings). The 3 teachers were again at the other end of the playground watching the 4 kids in that vicinity. Not a good start. My daughter's other teacher, Jessica, saw me and came to give me the sign out sheet and a note from Nicole explaining why she was leaving. Seriously, I almost cried. Must be the hormones. She told me that Nicole's replacement was sitting under the tree. I walked down to meet her. Now, someone please tell me if I'm being unreasonable or if I was just raised differently than Elizabeth. She was sitting on the edge of a table (easy to get up or down). As I walked toward her to shake her hand (my hand was extended), she just waved and said, "I'm Elizabeth." Is that how you would greet someone you were meeting? She doesn't have to gush about how great she thinks my child is (although that would be a great meeting), but is it too much to ask that she stand up? Or shake my hand? I know that some people don't really shake hands for various reasons, so I'm willing to let that one go, but stand up, it's nice to meet you, something? I can't base my entire judgement of Elizabeth on one incident, but first impressions are important. It left me feeling awkward.

Elizabeth has been in the class learning the ropes for about a week now, and I haven't decided about her yet. Jessica seems nice enough, but she tends to notice only what is in front of her, so if she's playing with one child, all the others are free to do what they want (which is fine if the one child is my child). I don't want the biting to start back up. I'm keeping my fingers crossed and hoping for the best. I hope I didn't jinx myself by writing about it.

Monday, October 31, 2005

Happy Halloween!

I came up with a costume for my daughter over the weekend. I found a clown costume at a secondhand store that was so adorable. I had to do some alterations to it (which is hilarious if you know my sewing skills). But, I must say that it turned out pretty well.

They had a party at her school. I signed up for napkins. Yeah, no cute little crust-less sandwiches for me. No cupcakes (even store bought). I found napkins at the dollar store. Can't get any better than that.

I don't know exactly what we're doing tonight as far as trick-or-treating. We might go out to my parents' house and go through their neighborhood. It's pretty safe, well-lit, and I know everyone in it. I would almost give my daughter stuff that wasn't pre-packaged. Almost. But not quite. I'm still an over-protective parent.

My husband took a day off Saturday so he was home early. It was nice to see him for an extra day. And it's not haircut week, so that's even better.

I'm in a pretty good mood today. Maybe less sleep works well for me. I fell asleep last night around 9:00. We went to bed around 11:00 (I fell asleep on the couch orignally). Finally fell back asleep at about midnight or so and then woke up at 12:34. With heartburn. The kind where I knew I wasn't going back to sleep anytime soon. So, I got up so that I wouldn't disturb my husband. Finally went back to sleep around 3:45 or 4:00. Cell phone alarm went off at 5:00 to remind me to go turn off the alarm in the bedroom so that it wouldn't wake hubby up if I didn't make it back to bed. Almost threw the cell phone across the room. Didn't bother to be the nice wife and go turn off the alarm in the bedroom. It started going off right around 6:00 just as I was falling asleep again. Woke my daughter up (in her defense, she usually gets up at 7:00, so with the time change, she got to watch Dora). Therefore, I'm working on the less is more sleep thing today. I bet I sleep good tonight. Famous last words.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Pray for me....

Please. I'm okay. The baby's okay. I just feel like I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown and I just don't know how much longer I can go on before I snap.

Living in two homes is killing me financially. The numbers never seem to add up to anything but negative.

I try to see the positive. I've been blessed with so many things. I have a wonderful husband, a great 2 year old who's healthy and I'm having another baby. I have a wonderful family.

I don't want a million dollars. I just want enough to make it through the week without crying. Without wondering if daycare or the electric bill is more important. Without praying that the bank only charges me the $20 fee for bouncing the check rather than returning it.

I keep telling myself that it will be better soon. And it will. Once the baby is born, we will move. Probably in January. We won't be paying daycare for a couple of months. We'll only have one rent payment and one utility payment.

It does appear that daycare is cheaper where we are moving to. Like 2 kids will only cost us about $30 - $40 more per week than we are paying now for 1. Therefore, when we move, I'm going to find a job. My husband and I have sort of discussed it. He's pretty much leaving it up to me. We could probably get by on what he makes with the cost of living being so low and not having to pay for daycare.

I've searched out similar jobs to my current job in the area. I could make about what I'm making now. There would be an hour-long commute each way every day, but I could do that. I could have health benefits for my family (one worry gone). We wouldn't be scraping by quite so much. We might actually have money left over at the end of the month. The load off my mind from that alone would be incredible.

I know it will get better. I'm just having trouble seeing the light at the end of the tunnel today.

Monday, October 24, 2005

Happy Birthday, Cody!

Cody would have been 23 today. I still miss him so much.

Monday, October 17, 2005

I Had My Last Ultrasound This Morning.....

Since I am 28 weeks, we did the second ultrasound of this pregnancy. The little bugger looks good -- measuring about 27 weeks give or take a little according to her measurements. Honestly, I put very little stock in her measurements and am not worried about the health or size of my baby. Measuring a squirming baby from an ultrasound is an inexact science to say the least. That being said, baby is approximately 2 lbs, 5 ozs from the measurements taken. Baby is also definitely a girl (still not sure what I'm going to do with 2 girls -- eek!). She looks good -- we got several of the 3D pictures of her little face. She's very cute even if she does appear to have a big nose. My daughter looked that way as well, and she doesn't have a big nose at all.

I had my appointment after the ultrasound (even though they were scheduled the other way around). My blood pressure is good (or at least they didn't say anything about it, so I'm assuming good). Baby is moving well. Heartbeat at 153. He showed me the graphs from the ultrasound. She's measuring just below average. So did my daughter. And she was not quite 7 lbs even though she was born "early" at 37w1d. He's no more concerned about the measurements than I am. He did say that the amniotic fluid was good. And that's good. The right amount of amniotic fluid means that baby is doing well. Apparently, for amniotic fluid levels to be at the right level, baby has to be taking in some fluid and it has to pass through their system (yes that means that baby is ingesting what came out the other end or at least that's how I understand it -- I could be wrong -- I'm not a doctor by any means). In order for it to pass through her system, her little brain has to be functioning correctly. Her heart looks good -- several good shots of that. Her kidneys are looking good -- both functioning normally from the looks of things. Stomach and bladder. Check. Beautiful little face. Check. Little girl parts. Check.

Oh, and she has a little hair. My daughter had long hair that was visible in her 28 week ultrasound. I'm talking already a half inch long 9 weeks before she was born. She had lots of hair. This one has a little hair, but nothing like what my daughter had. I think I need to find the 3D picture of my daughter and see how much they looked alike in utero. It would be a fun little comparison. I'm very curious how much they'll look alike. So, we're at 28 weeks. That leaves about 10 weeks and a few days to go. I have a little over 11 weeks until my due date, but I won't make it to my due date. That has already been discussed with my doctor. I will have a scheduled induction sometime in the week between Christmas and New Year's . No, I do not want a New Year's baby. That doesn't give me the tax credit I want.

So, I will go back in a month and then every 2 weeks for a month and then every week until she's born. My husband and I are trying to make sure we see family this holiday season. Since his work schedule is weird, it looks like I will be traveling to my grandparents' house with my parents for Thanksgiving. That's the big family Thanksgiving with about 20 people or so. Love seeing everyone, but not for so long. Hopefully next month before Thanksgiving, we'll have a chance to go and visit my in-laws. We haven't been to their house since Memorial Day or so although they've visited us a couple of times.

Then there's Christmas. Since the little bugger will make her arrival sometime in there, that's going to be interesting. I'm not sure what my in-laws are planning as far as visiting us right after she's born, but I know that my grandmother is going to be in town. I've already warned my mother that I cannot be held responsible for anything the pregnancy hormones say to her in anger. I'm sure we'll all be on our best behavior. Oh, I hope so. My husband is still working out all the stuff from work so that he'll be off for a little while right after the little bugger gets here.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

I'm Better Today

Really. Sometimes a pity party is in order, you know?

I've decided the little Bugger I'm incubating has already got her days and nights confused. I'm hoping when she can actually see day and night that will change. She is pretty quiet through most of the day, but when I lie down to go to sleep, I get attacked from the inside.

My daughter's best friend (as much as a 2 year old can have a best friend) who is also 2 had to get stitches last night. She had a really cute little band-aid across her forehead this morning. Poor little thing. Even worse, she's going to smack my daughter before the day is out for repeatedly asking, "What happened?" My daughter must have asked her at least a dozen times in the 4 minutes before I left.

That's my daughter's new thing. "What happened?" Over and over again. I think she's preparing me for when she reaches the "Why?" stage. I don't want to be this prepared. If I drop something on the floor (and manage not to curse -- that's the tricky part), she asks, "What happened, Mama?"
"Oh, I just dropped on the floor."
"You dropped it?"
"What happened?" (Didn't I just explain this part?)

She is also learning to say that she is sorry. Our timeout routine consists of the following:
1. She does something wrong (usually hitting, kicking, or spitting).
2. I take her to timeout (she has her own corner -- lucky her).
3. She sits and cries for about 15 seconds.
4. She quits crying and starts looking for stuff to play with.
5. I let her sit for another 45 seconds or so. I've found that timeout is ineffective once she starts looking for stuff to play with. Then it's just a timeout for mommy.
6. I get down on my knees and tell her to come to me.
7. She runs over arms already out (she knows the drill).
8. I ask her what she did wrong (no hugs until this question can be answered). She's gotten to where she can tell me. My husband thinks this is because there are very few offenses that she gets put in timeout for, so she just starts going through the list (in actuality, she doesn't list them -- she usually knows exactly why she was in trouble).
9. I repeat why she was in timeout and tell her why what she did was wrong.
10. Then she hugs me and tells me that she's sorry.

Timeout with Daddy goes like this:
1. She does something wrong.
2. Warning from Daddy.
3. She does it again.
4. Another warning.
5. And one more time.
6. No more warnings.
7. He takes her to timeout.
8. She screams and cries like she's being tortured (for about 15 seconds -- apparently that is her attention span).
9. She then doesn't bother to get up or anything, but starts saying, "Sorry, Daddy," from her corner.
10. He tells her to come out.
11. She runs over and gives him a hug.
12. He asks her what she did wrong.
13. She says, "Ummmmm..........."
14. He tells her and tells her why it was wrong.
15. Another hug.

Don't you love our consistency? Several warnings from Daddy, but Mommy means business. Don't mess with Mommy. She will just stick you in timeout. I'm sure child experts would tell me that I'm messing her up. She needs another chance to do better. Yeah, when I am nice enough to give warnings (more consistency), she spits at me (kind of a raspberry kind of thing, but the disrespect is there -- she's learned not to hit at or kick at Mommy).

Don't worry, Mommy actually gives warnings for most things. There are just a few (biting, hitting, kicking, and spitting top the list) that are zero-tolerance offenses with me. It's an automatic timout with no warnings.

I hope she's in a good mood when I pick her up today. Despite the sinus headache that is centered around my left eye, I'm in a pretty good mood myself. I'd be in a better mood if I hadn't been exposed to strep throat, but, you know, what can I do? I'm hoping that the person who had it was already past the contagious phase.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

What Can I Say?

It's been a depressing week. I'm tired, but I can't sleep. I'm stressed about how everything is going to work out money-wise. The current plan is for my daughter and I to move and join my husband where he is working now when the baby arrives. Then, while he gains more experience in his chosen profession, I get to be a stay-at-home mom for a year.

I am really looking forward to that. I would love to see my baby's first year and be with my daughter for that time. Hey, potty training might actually work then. However, I'm not sure how we're going to work out health insurance since my husband's department doesn't offer it. And I won't go without health insurance for my children or myself. But, it will get sorted out one way or another.

My daughter is doing well on the biting front. Meaning, she hasn't. Her teacher is sending me notes, and I am letting her know the days that I think she'll be a problem. I'm trying to spend more time with her and play with her more. We had a tea party last night. It was fun.

I'll try to write more tomorrow.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Meeting With The Director

My husband and I met with the director this morning. The attitude was a little different, so we were all pretty relaxed. She showed us a few of the reports of my daughter's biting. Apparently, the problem is two things. Number one: She only bites other kids to get what she wants. It almost always revolves around a toy. Number two: Apparently, she keeps going after the same kid. That is because she and this other little boy play together a lot. When she gets tired of playing together, she decides the toy is hers for the taking. And it all goes downhill from there.

We did end up bringing in the main teacher in the class to talk with her. In trying to pinpoint where the problem lies, we looked at when she has the most trouble. Daycare looks at time of day. My husband and I were looking at days of the week. She bites overwhelmingly on Wednesdays and Thursdays -- the days my husband leaves to go to work. So, missing daddy seems to be part of the problem. My husband also pointed out that with the new baby on the way, she's become pretty possessive of things that she thinks are hers (very observant of him - I haven't noticed that). We've gotten a few gifts that are for "the baby," so she has started hoarding her toys and points out that they are her toys. She might be doing the same thing at school. She doesn't bite randomly. She bites to get the toy she wants or thinks is hers.

So, the plan for now is:
1. Nicole (her teacher) is going to write notes on the back of her daily sheet and try to keep me in the loop as far as what she is doing and if she is having any problems. I, in turn, will make sure she knows the days that my husband goes back to work, so that her teachers know she might need a little extra TLC.

2. The teachers are going to keep a close eye on her (especially during their group playtime) and try to keep her close to them in order to stop it before it starts.

3. Nicole is going to try and spend a little extra one-on-one time with her. With the new baby on the way, she probably gets a lot of attention about being a "big sister." I will also try to make sure I spend some time with her one-on-one, and my husband and I will develop some sort of plan before he leaves for work to reassure her that daddy will be back on Saturday. He's also going to try and spend some extra one-on-one daddy time with her.

4. If she does bite someone, she goes to timeout (like she has been). She has to look at the bite and apologize to the person she bit. Then they talk about sharing and not hurting their friends.

5. They recently had a teacher just up and leave with no notice, so now that they've replaced her, the teachers are working on getting back onto a more structured schedule. My daughter thrives on routine, so I think this will help as well.

I felt the meeting went well. Both the director and Nicole assured us that she's not a bully by any means. She is a "sweet little girl (their words, not mine although I agree)." I guess we'll see how it goes.

Monday, October 03, 2005

I'm Going To See The Director...

of my daughter's daycare about her biting. Apparently, they have concerns. Nevermind that they've never had concerns when I've tried to talk about it. "She's just 2...." "We know that they do this when they're that age...." "As they get better about using their words, they stop...."

This morning, I got a call from the director that she wants to meet with me tomorrow morning. The biting has become a concern. I don't know what to think. Part of me is mad that it has become a concern all of a sudden. Part of me is mad because she doesn't do this at home, so I'm not sure how to handle it. Obviously, they aren't either. Part of me is just pissy (probably because of hormones) and thinks that it's wrong to label a child as "territorial" when she was "just 2" before. Apparently, there's some magic line you cross where it's not "just 2," and she just becomes "agressive."

No, I don't want my child to be a bully and I don't want her to bite other kids. She's been bitten before, and I certainly don't want her to bite. I want her to learn to express herself and not just use biting as a way of getting what she wants. However, I'm not sure how to handle this since she doesn't behave like this at home. If she hits or pinches, she goes in time out (at home). She knows that acting like that is unacceptable.

I don't want her to be the biter in the class. Part of me is just worried because I don't want to have to find another daycare. I really like the one she is in. However, I think the meeting would be better if it was with the director and the teachers from the class -- they are the ones who have direct contact with my daughter. I think that's part of the problem. I never get to talk to her teachers. One teacher works the same hours I do, so I rarely see her. The other teacher usually has her hands full when I get there and doesn't have time to talk to me. So, maybe I need to see if we can schedule a meeting with the teachers and the director. I'll meet with the director tomorrow morning and see what she suggests.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Panic Attack

I haven't had one in sooooo long -- until yesterday. I really freaked out becuase I had forgotten just how awful it is to have one. If you've never had one, consider yourself lucky; I wouldn't wish them on my worst enemy. I fear that one or both of my children will have them. That really scares me.

I was at work yesterday, and I'm not sure what caused it, but all of a sudden, I knew what was happening. I had one a couple of weeks ago at work, but it wasn't bad and I talked myself "down" from it. I couldn't do that yesterday. I completely panicked. Since everyone is different, I will try to explain what it's like for me. For my father (who had them when he was around my age), he would have the muscle tightening in his chest -- feels like a heart attack. I don't get that. I can feel it start in my neck and radiate down my shoulders. It's a pins and needles kind of feeling (adrenaline rush). I feel really hot all of a sudden. Then I throw up. Until my stomach is completely empty. It's an awful feeling.

I realize that it's "all in my head" (I hate that phrase when describing anxiety attacks because my symptoms are manifested physically and are hardly in my head!) in the sense that my brain and mind are causing it and that there's not real reason to panic. But it's hard to stop once the feelings start in.

I went home from work -- freaked my boss out. She wasn't sure if something was wrong with me and the baby. She called my house last night to check on me.

I thought I would be okay once I left. Nope. Then, the fear of having another attack set in, and I had another one because I was afraid of having a panic attack (what a viscious cycle it is!). Trying to go to bed, I had another one -- same reason. My mind is really bad about jumping to horrible thoughts when I'm scared of panic attacks. What if I can't take care of my daughter because I'm having a panic attack? Had another one when my husband left this morning. Poor guy, I'm sure he's worried about me and the baby. But, (knock on wood), I'm doing pretty well today. Maybe getting my daughter to daycare and proving to myself that I can do that and get ready and such was good for me.

Funny thing, though. The baby was going crazy during this whole time, so I didn't have to worry about her at all. Must be all the adrenaline. Hopefully, her system doesn't process it as panic the way mine does.

Monday, September 26, 2005

12 Days

And counting since the pacifier went bye-bye. I'm still very excited and sleeping better!

My nesting instinct has kicked in. I spent about 6 hours Saturday cleaning my house. And I didn't finish nearly what I wanted to. I spent another 3 hours Sunday cleaning out closets and such. My husband wants me to take it easy and not go crazy. Ha! You can't fight instinct.

So, anyway, now I'm tired. Don't tell my husband.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Sorry for the absence.....

I had a doctor's appointment Monday. Baby looks good. Baby's heartbeat was around 147 when she could find it. This baby is a squirmer and doesn't like people messing with her. I gained 5 lbs this month (bringing me to 10 thus far). My blood pressure is good. I'm measuring about 26 weeks (I'm 24 and a few days), but I was measuring at 22 weeks for my 20 week appointment. Overall, things look good.

My daughter was sick yesterday. I do not like getting a call from daycare that I need to come and pick her up. They told me that she was running a fever of 104, but I have my doubts that it was really that high. On our way home, we had to go buy Tylenol. Her fever stayed around 101-102 all through the afternoon. Nothing seemed to phase it. Sometime between her going to bed at 9:00 and my first potty break at about midnight, she cooled down. She was back to normal when I checked on her.

Hurricane Rita looks poised to hit the Texas gulf coast. I have some family in the area, so I hope they are all safe and stay that way.

Friday, September 16, 2005

Day 2

Well, night #2 went exceptionally well. I put her in bed after she started her little radio playing, and I left the room.

No crying.

Waited a few minutes -- still no crying. I was about ready to go in and check on her because there is no way that it could be that easy.

"I want my purple one. I want my purple one! I WANT MY PURPLE ONE!" Ah, there we go. I knew it would start. But that was where it ended. Just a simple statement proclaiming what she wanted. Asleep by 9:15.

You have no idea how excited I am. I can't believe she's doing so well. Now, I don't want to jinx myself because tonight can go very badly, but I think so far, so good.

What I'm really interested to see is what she does with Daddy. I think she'll try to pull the sweet little baby girl eyes with him. Which means that I will have to dispose of any pacifiers beforehand so that even if he wants to give in, he can't. That's not to say that he's going to try and give her one, but I'm going to make sure it's not an option.

I'm so glad that it's Friday. I have a doctor's appointment on Monday, so we'll see how much weight I've gained and how the little bugger is doing. I love hearing that little heartbeat.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Day 1

Or night 1.

I picked my daughter up from daycare and as soon as she got in the car, she wanted a pacifier. I told her we didn't have any. She did pretty well. On the way home, she started to get a little upset about not having one, so I started to sing the ABCs to distract her (I have a horrible voice, so it is very distracting). She told me, "No ABCs, Mama, no ABCs!" I guess she doesn't like my singing. Therefore, we counted to 10, and I counted to 20. She's got 10 down, so I guess the next set is to count to 20.

She did pretty well throughout the evening. Then, it was bedtime. 8:53. I normally put her down at 9:00 or so. She did get a small (about half) dose of allergy medicine at 8:30. She turned on her music and told me that she wanted her "yellow buddy." No. We don't have any pacifiers. Sorry. I put her in bed and covered her up. She didn't cry. Hmmmm.....she asked for ice water. I went and got her some water. When I left that time, she realized she wasn't getting the beloved pacifier, so then she started crying. I went into the living room to read my book. After 10 minutes, I went in and told her to lie down and that she was fine and didn't need a pacifier. She did lie down. I left, crying commenced; I waited 15 minutes this time because the crying got muffled toward the 10 minute mark, so I knew she was lying down. She told me her nose was running and that she needed a Kleenex. I got her one. I left, crying commenced; I went in after 10 minutes because she had coughed/gagged a couple of times before going completely quiet, and I wanted to make sure that she wasn't choking or anything. She was fine. I left; crying commenced. I waited 15 minutes. I knew she was getting close to going to sleep because her crying wasn't as strong. She was more interested in going to sleep than crying. At 9:50, she stopped crying completely. Having the choking fear again, I went to the door. No noise except for her breathing. Then the phone rang. As she started crying again, I made a mental note to find out who called my parents' house at 10 'til 10, hunt them down, and personally strangle them. Five minutes later, all was quiet again. I tiptoed into her room, stubbed my toe, restrained from muttering a string of expletives (at least until I got out of the room), and peeked in on her. Sound asleep. No pacifier in sight.

So, the next test was the overnight test. She usually wakes up at least once and starts crying when she can't find the damn thing. Fast forward to 2:30 AM. She wakes up. Or I wake up, I assume she hadn't been awake but for a couple of seconds. She is asking for the pacifier. I decide to wait a couple of minutes and see what happens. After about 15 seconds, all is quiet again. I snuck in to check on her, and found her asleep again.

She didn't wake up again.

This morning, so energized by my semi-success last night, I decide to tell her daycare teachers to try and see how she does without it. Give it to her if she asks for it or if she throws a big fit, but see if she'll go without. As I walk into the daycare center, the director catches me. She tells me that she had talked to Nicole (my daughter's teacher). Nicole was surprised to learn that my daughter had a pacifier. That's right: SHE HASN'T USED A PACIFIER SINCE SHE MOVED INTO HER NEW CLASS. Had I known this a month ago when she started in that class, I would have gotten rid of the pacifier then. So, we have now been without a pacifier for approximately 32 hours. We'll see how tonight goes. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

I Had To Talk To The Director....

of my daughter's daycare. I didn't want to, but I've let a lot of things go. They gave her back the pacifier against my wishes, she chipped a tooth, and just a couple of weeks ago, she was bitten. Well, my husband told me that things happen, so as long as it doesn't happen again, I shouldn't worry too much. I agreed not to say anything unless something else happened.

Yesterday, I picked her up, and she had a bunch of scratches on her face next to her eye. I asked what happened. "I don't know." My favorite response.

Since I'm pregnant and the hormones make me do things that I normally wouldn't do*, I decided I was talking to the director this time.

This morning, I caught up with her and expressed my concerns. I am not concerned that she was bitten or that she is getting hurt. The scratches look to me like she fell. I don't feel like she is any danger. In fact, I think she has learned a lot in her class. The director was very nice -- listened to my concerns, and I think she understood where I was coming from. I just want some acknowledgement that they knew something happened. I don't care that she was bitten -- it happens, but I do care that they didn't seem to notice, you know?

I also asked her advice on how to transition the precious little one off of the pacifier. She asked when I planned on taking it away from her at home.


We agreed to warn her teachers and take it away for good on Monday (at daycare). It still goes bye-bye at home today.

Why, you ask? What has suddenly steeled my mind to the fact that I can handle a toddler who is waaaaaayyyyy too attached to the pacifier?

Simple. It doesn't work. I got up twice before 3 AM last night to give it back to her. Then, the routine went like this:

3:00 AM: Mammmmmmmaaaaaa, buddy (her nickname for the horrid thing)..........I give it back to her and return to bed.

3:30 AM: I am almost asleep when I have to get up again.

4:00 AM: (can you spot the pattern yet) I am almost asleep when I have to get up again.

I can cut and paste the phrase "I am almost asleep when I have to get up again." over and over again, but the rundown is this, 3:00, 3:30, 4:00, 4:30, 5:00, 5:15, 5:25, 5:35, constantly from 5:45 to 5:55 when I pull her out of bed and put her on the couch and turn on Dora. I "slept" from 6:00 or so until 6:30 when the alarm started going off. I finally got up when she rolled off the couch (oops! Didn't see that one coming!) at about 6:45.

Her nose is stopped up, so she can't suck on the pacifier and breathe at the same time. She's not sure which is more important. I am. Pacifier goes. I still think I'll get as much sleep tonight as last night.

My question is: should I give her some medicine for the stuffy nose, or is that considered drugging her to get her to go to sleep? She really does have the allergies, so I think anything that makes her more comfortable will help her sleep better, right?

*I do not remember feeling this way when I was pregnant with my daughter. I have a bad feeling that this baby is way too much like her father.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Picture Day

Last week, my daughter's daycare sent home a note that they were going to take pictures on Monday. So, yesterday, I got up early, got her dressed up in her pretty dress and put her hair in pigtails. She looked absolutely adorable (and even those who aren't her mother would say so).

Therefore, I was pretty disappointed when I picked her up yesterday and got a note saying that they would be taking pictures this morning. I asked the teacher (someone who had taken over at 4 PM, so she didn't know much) what happened, and she said that they hadn't gotten to my daughter's class.

I was pretty annoyed at this. I mean, what good does it do to get her dressed up and ready if they're not going to get to her class. What kind of professionalism is that? This morning, I brushed her hair out -- it looked good down, but I wasn't going to the trouble of putting it up. I dressed her in the only other picture-worthy outfit we have which consists of long sleeves and pants -- and it's supposed to hit 93 degrees today. I was prepared to beg her teacher to change her into the shorts I brought as well.

So, I went in this morning ready to ask the director what the deal was. Normally, I'm not confrontational and wouldn't say a word, but the hormones are in overdrive, so I'm pushier that my personality usually allows for. I had my whole speech planned out about how I had gotten her ready yesterday and how I wasn't going to order pictures since they were "too busy" to get to my daughter's class yesterday.

Imagine how I felt when the director met me almost at the door and said, "Your daughter was really upset yesterday about having her picture made, and we figured you didn't want a picture of her crying, so would you be able to stay for a few minutes to do it right now?"

Oh, yeah. Sure. No problem.

And she was right. As soon as we got into the room, I thought I was being strangled. Nope, just a death grip as my daughter clung to my neck. It got tighter and tighter as we approached the little table they sit on. I sat her down and sat down next to her, and she immediately started crawling my direction announcing loudly to the two ladies trying to get her arranged, "I sit 'n Mama's lap." Uh, no. Mama's not dressed for pictures.

We got 3 pictures. I bet not a one turns out. The problem is that I do want to get some pictures done for her 2 year old birthday (a month late, but she'll never know that), so I need to take her to JCPenney's. I was thinking this weekend, but I'm hoping she won't act like that. Eek!

But I did make sure she was changed before I left, so at least I know she didn't overheat today!

Monday, September 12, 2005


My daughter has quite a little imagination. Yesterday she was "fixing" my hair. This basically consists of her pulling really hard on my hair (thank goodness I'm not tenderheaded) and asking me over and over again if I want ponytails in my hair. If I reply yes, she starts "parting" my hair. In other words, she digs her little fingernails into my head to simulate the comb. It hurts for her to fix my hair, but she loves to do it, so I let her.

Yesterday, she was in the middle of pulling my hair into ponytails and asked me for a rubber band. She held her hand out for me to put it in. I put a pretend rubber band in her hand and tickled her palm with my fingernails. She laughed and went back to fixing my hair. Then she needed another rubber band. After I'd given her 4 rubber bands, I told her there were no more. If they're pretend, she'll never know when the supply runs out, right? Wrong. She looks around me to the coffee table in front of me, points, and says, "There more, Mama." My pretend stack had run out, but her pretend stack had replenished right in front of me. I love her little imagination.

Baby is doing well. Just 16 weeks, 6 days left until my due date. Wow! She's really moving around a lot. Enjoys kicking my bladder and stomach (simultaneously if she can manage it).

There are so many things I'm curious about this time around. Will she look like my daughter? Will they get along? Will she look more like her daddy? Will she be quiet and shy? Will she be my tall baby (my husband and I are both tall, and my daughter is relatively petite)? Will she be my chunky baby? Surely, she won't be just like her older sister. I can't wait to see her.

Friday, September 09, 2005

Where Were You?

September 11th is upon us yet again. Even in the wake of Hurricane Katrina, there are many shows that will be airing this weekend about that fateful day.

There are not many days in my life that are those "Where were you when you heard.....?" moments. I was young when Challenger exploded. I don't remember. I do remember that I was at my cousin's wedding shower when Columbia exploded. Someone said to turn on the news because the space shuttle had just exploded. How sad that so many didn't even know that a shuttle had launched.

I remember the Oklahoma City bombing. My grandparents live just outside of OK City, so my first thought was for them. I remember hearing about it when I got home from school. There were pictures of people covered in blood and debris. If you ever get the chance to visit the memorial in OK City, go! It is a wonderful tribute. Take a box of Kleenex. There's a room where there are plastic shadow boxes -- one for each person killed. There's a picture as the back wall and then family members (I assume) put things in the boxes as memories. They have Kleenex in there. Good thing. I was balling. It was very sad to see some of the same toys I had bought for my daughter as lasting memories of children killed.

And, of course, I remember September 11th. I was in college, living in the dorm. I was waiting for financial aid to go through before I paid my tuition. On September 10th, I got a letter from the housing office that I was going to be evicted because I hadn't paid my tuition and was going to be dropped from my classes the next day. I knew the last day to pay wasn't the 11th, but I was going to get this straight with housing before they screwed it up. I skipped class that morning to straighten it out. I took a shower and came back into my room and turned on the Today show as usual. When I turned around, they were showing the Pentagon on fire. They said that the World Trade Centers had been hit as well. They showed the footage of the plane slamming into the second tower. How could that not be forever burned into my memory? I went to the business office. It was so quiet. They had TVs showing the news and the footage over and over again. I left and went to work. Between the time I left the business office and got to work, the first building had collapsed. They knew the second one would follow. For days, everyone was glued to the TV.

I can't believe it's been (not quite) 4 years now. What a sad anniversary for so many people.

Thursday, September 08, 2005


it's been a busy week. I know, I say that a lot. I'm just exhausted. The little bugger growing inside me is just taking it out of me. Doesn't she know that I have a 2 year old to contend with as well? Surely she can hear the other little muchkin's voice as well by now (or soon). Who does she think sits on her and demands to read a book?

I had a good holiday weekend. As usual, I didn't do much -- just some cleaning and relaxing and shopping (for groceries -- nothing fun).

Oh, and as far as the mice go, well. Last Wednesday, I bought the traps, 4 of them. I set them out Friday afternoon before heading to my parents house for the night. I checked them again Saturday. There were 3 dead mice. In 3 weeks of no-kill traps, we caught 3 mice (one of which died -- oops!). In one night of killer traps (my idea), 3 dead. Since then, we have caught 3 more. It sickens me to think of the number of mice that must have been taking up residence in my home. But they've become more clever. There must be at least one left who is licking the peanut butter off the traps. I'll get his little butt. It is nice to be able to sit in my living room and be fairly certain that I won't see one running across the floor. That was starting to get on my nerves. Now that the mouse infestation has come (is coming) to an end, I will have to think of much more interesting things to talk about. I should probaby do that anyway.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

I'm So Tired.....

I would like to get one full night's sleep. Just one. I don't think that's asking too much, is it?

My sweet little 2-year old woke up at 3:30 because she couldn't find her pacifier. She had one in her mouth, but she didn't have her "yellow one." Yeah, we have gotten to the point where she thinks she needs a specific color pacifier. I am glad that she has learned her colors so well. She's got them all down well. In the morning, she'll tell me that she wants her "yellow milk" not the "blue milk" (boy that sounds gross). I'm glad we have all colors of sippy cups.

So, the pacifier has to go, but here's my predicament. My husband's not quite as on board about the pacifier disappearance as I am. He agrees that she probably doesn't really need it, but he doesn't have the all out hatred for it that I do.

And well, daycare is my other problem. If you recall, after 3 weeks of no pacifier, they gave it back to her during naptime. I will take it away from them this time, but I think the have "extras." I don't know how to stop them from giving her a pacifier which will totally screw up anything I try to do at home. How cruel do I look when everyone else will give her one but I won't?

So, I'll choose a time when my husband is gone and it will have to be a weekend so that I don't have to worry about daycare. So, I think tomorrow night is perfect. I would do it tonight, but I want to wait for daycare, and I'm going to warn them now about it.

I have waited because I value my sleep so much. The first time it went bye-bye, she would wake up in the middle of the night and cry and cry and cry. I can handle the before bed fit she'll throw for at least an hour. And I can handle the naptime stuff. It's the middle of the night stuff. But if she's going to wake me up over and over again, I think it's worth a shot.

The key is daycare. My husband will probably not be too thrilled, but he'll support me because he loves me. And I will have 2 nights already under my belt before he gets home. Daycare is going to have to deal with the fact that she'll probably cry at naptime. I will have my daughter for 3 days taking naps without, but there is a routine with daycare, and she expects to get her pacifier before naptime. That expectation is not going to go away. I could have her home for 3 weeks with no pacifier, but when she goes back to daycare, she's going to expect a pacifier. If I find out they gave her one........well, let's just say that I've endured a lot without complaint, but I will definitely complain that day.

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Since When....

do I come across as too stupid to open a door?

I took my daughter to the doctor this morning to get her hepatitis A shot so that daycare won't kick her out. We got there a few minutes before 8:00. I tried the door. It was locked. We sat in the hall, looked out the windows, etc. Another mother and daughter walked up and she tried the door. Then they sat in the hall.

At about 8:10, I was looking in the window and caught the eye of the receptionist who was chatting away on the phone leaning back in her chair (obviously not working). She sat up, got off the phone and came and opened the door. I guess she was trying to cover the fact that she wasn't working or something, but she then felt the need to add, "The door was unlocked."

Um, no it wasn't. I'm not a complete idiot. So, I said in return (completely out of character for me to say anything at all*), "Not when I tried it."
*Unlike on my blog where I'm very sarcastic and talkative, I'm very quiet and non-confrontational in person. I'm not sure how my comment popped out. I was even surprised I said it.

She said, "I unlocked it when I turned on the lights."


So after about 15 minutes of waiting in the waiting room -- we were the first people there for our 8:00 appointments, no wonder doctor's offices get behind, they start behind -- we finally got the shot and left.

The shot was pretty uneventful. She cried, but she got over it quickly, especially when a sticker came into play.

And, since I'm ranting and raving about stupid things today, can someone please tell me why a train engineer feels the need to lay on the horn at 6:00 in the morning?

We live near some train tracks. Not too close, but close enough to hear the horns when trains cross over intersections with the roads. Normally, I can hear it for about 3-5 seconds or so. This morning, at 5:53, it didn't stop. I wonder if someone was stopped on the tracks or something. I don't know.

It wouldn't bother me except it woke my daughter up way before I was ready to get up and that ruined the last 1/2 hour of sleep I so desperately needed. I usually sleep in the living room when my husband leaves for work, but I could hear the mouse scratching underneath the couch (and the thought of that little shit running across my face in my sleep makes me cringe), so I returned to bed. I. hate. mice. I will be borrowing traps from my father. I hate to think of how many there are. I prefer to believe there is just one or at the most 2 (because, well, while one was underneath my couch, one was playing in the pans under my stove -- don't worry I will be washing them under the hottest water my sink can produce). Surely, there can't be more than that, right? Right?

Tuesday, August 30, 2005


the pregnancy fairy has arrived. I've been feeling better the past couple of weeks, but I was afraid to say anything for fear of jinxing it.

My daughter was bitten at daycare yesterday. Didn't sign a thing. When I noticed it last night, I told my husband who told me to ask about it this morning. As expected, the teacher got defensive and assured me it didn't happen while she was there. I half expected her to ask if I was sure it happened at daycare. One of her little classmates has all of his/her teeth (so does my daughter for that matter). I'm not worried about the bite. Usually my daughter is the one doing the biting not the other way around, but I am worried when I don't have to sign anything. Did they notice that she was bitten? I mean, really. I feel pretty certain that she would have cried a lot about it. And I'm sure if asked what was wrong, she would have pointed to the bite mark on her calf (that's why I'm reasonable certain that she didn't bite herself). So, why didn't someone notice enough to write out the incident report? Since she is so often the biter, I don't mind signing that she got bitten. They don't have to worry about me being mad. So, we'll see if they have the form for me to sign today. I just want it on record with them. If they are going to record everytime that she bit someone, they are going to record that she was bitten.

I went home in a foul mood yesterday. I don't know why. I'm stressed. I need to get my daughter into the doctor to get a shot that is required for daycare. The great state of Texas decided at the end of July that all children should be vaccinated by September 1st. But they can't have the vaccination until they are 2 years old which gives me exactly 21 days to get it done since my daughter's birthday isn't until the 10th. So, of course, I'm doing it on the 31st because the note that daycare sent home said they had to have their hepatitis shot. No problem, she's already had that. Then, they get a little snippy and send home another note because she's only had the hepatitis B shot. Well, if they had said hepatitis A in the first note (which I reread and they did not), I would have gotten it done before the 31st of August. I'm going to be pissed if I have to pay my copay to get her shot. For her flu shot, I paid for it rather than send it through insurance because my copay was $20 and the shot was $10. Then, they sent it through insurance anyway and insurance paid for it. Um, hello! Why did we pay for that shot twice? I think they owe me one.

Monday, August 29, 2005

So.....Let's See.....

An update on me......

Well, let's start with my daughter.......

doing well, saying, "No!" a lot, driving me crazy. Yep, typical two-year-old.

My husband......

has agreed to get "killer" mouse traps. Doing well, driving me crazy. Typical, typical.

The baby..........

growing big, hurting my back, making me get up at least once a night to pee, driving me crazy. Typical, typical.

Hmmmm.....everyone is driving me crazy. Maybe it's me. :)

The baby has recently developed the hiccups a couple of times. It's so cute. I had forgotten about those. My daughter used to get them every day after lunch around 1:00. Lucky me, her diaphram must have been right over my bladder because every time she would hiccup, I would have to try really hard not to pee.

I'm now a little over 21 weeks. It's scary how fast this pregnancy is going. I'm sure now it will slow down and drag until January, but at least I have a two year old to keep me busy.

I, uh, also, um....killed a mouse. I didn't mean to, but he was in one of the "no-kill" traps, and, uh, well, he died. It was gross. I threw it out. I check them every day when my husband is out of town, and he must have entered the trap right after I checked it because he had been dead a while. Very gross. Latex gloves to get rid of it. No smell though. Very fortunate there. I would have puked. However, I was startled by a mouse last night in the bathroom. And I was so hoping that they would just go away. Time to get good traps. My dad has some that he's offered to let me have. That and some peanut butter is about to end my mouse infestation (to the delight of many who would rather hear about anything else on my blog). :)

Friday, August 26, 2005

New Post

I'll try to write something tonight when I get home. It's been a busy week. :)

Monday, August 22, 2005

The Saga Continues.....

Okay, the mouse in my house is getting old. First we had the mouse in the computer. We got rid of him. Nicely, even. We didn't kill him.

Then a couple of weeks ago, while my mother in law was visiting, we noticed that we had a mouse. Again. In fact, we had 2 mice.

My thought: No more being nice. The little snap traps will work well to kill the little buggers. I don't want to see them running through my house again.

Hubby's thought: What are they hurting?

WHAT ARE THEY HURTING?! Because I don't really want to know, I have refrained from googling the phrase, "diseases mice carry." Um, hello, how does he think the plague spread all over Europe during the middle ages? Magic? No, fleas on rats and mice. Of course, since the plague isn't really the threat it used to be, I cannot use that particular arguement. But, still. I don't want to know what possible diseases the little creatures can deliver to my child, my unborn child, and myself, and even to my hubby who thinks they aren't hurting anything.

Hubby thinks we should get the no-kill traps. Yes, no-kill traps. Because he really doesn't want to kill the little creatures that he has affectionately nicknamed "Chester" (as if there was only one!), I relent and say okay.

Much to my disgust, we catch Chester (#1) within 2 days. So, I took Chester about a half mile away and deposit his little butt by the side of the road and failed to actually manage to run him over as I drove my daughter to daycare.

So, when Hubby went to work, one of my duties was to check the traps everyday (there are 4 of them throughout the house). Nothing. Not. One. Little. Chester.

But, in the time that he's been home, I've seen Chester twice. Or probably 2 different Chesters. Hubby is almost ready to buy the killer traps. I will say that Chester is very cute. If I wanted a pet mouse (which I don't -- don't get me started on the gerbils we had that wouldn't quit breeding), I would get one.

So, hopefully, the little creatures decide to leave my house soon. If I ever see 3 of them in one sitting, I will buy the killer traps. I refuse to be outsmarted by a mouse. I still have one cat with claws.