Panic Attack

I haven't had one in sooooo long -- until yesterday. I really freaked out becuase I had forgotten just how awful it is to have one. If you've never had one, consider yourself lucky; I wouldn't wish them on my worst enemy. I fear that one or both of my children will have them. That really scares me.

I was at work yesterday, and I'm not sure what caused it, but all of a sudden, I knew what was happening. I had one a couple of weeks ago at work, but it wasn't bad and I talked myself "down" from it. I couldn't do that yesterday. I completely panicked. Since everyone is different, I will try to explain what it's like for me. For my father (who had them when he was around my age), he would have the muscle tightening in his chest -- feels like a heart attack. I don't get that. I can feel it start in my neck and radiate down my shoulders. It's a pins and needles kind of feeling (adrenaline rush). I feel really hot all of a sudden. Then I throw up. Until my stomach is completely empty. It's an awful feeling.

I realize that it's "all in my head" (I hate that phrase when describing anxiety attacks because my symptoms are manifested physically and are hardly in my head!) in the sense that my brain and mind are causing it and that there's not real reason to panic. But it's hard to stop once the feelings start in.

I went home from work -- freaked my boss out. She wasn't sure if something was wrong with me and the baby. She called my house last night to check on me.

I thought I would be okay once I left. Nope. Then, the fear of having another attack set in, and I had another one because I was afraid of having a panic attack (what a viscious cycle it is!). Trying to go to bed, I had another one -- same reason. My mind is really bad about jumping to horrible thoughts when I'm scared of panic attacks. What if I can't take care of my daughter because I'm having a panic attack? Had another one when my husband left this morning. Poor guy, I'm sure he's worried about me and the baby. But, (knock on wood), I'm doing pretty well today. Maybe getting my daughter to daycare and proving to myself that I can do that and get ready and such was good for me.

Funny thing, though. The baby was going crazy during this whole time, so I didn't have to worry about her at all. Must be all the adrenaline. Hopefully, her system doesn't process it as panic the way mine does.