Uncertainty

If we can recognize that change and uncertainty are basic principles, we can greet the future and the transformation we are undergoing with the understanding that we do not know enough to be pessimistic.
Hazel Henderson

The glimmer of hope won't go away. I keep telling myself (yes, I have been talking to myself a lot recently) that the odds are so slim that I shouldn't get my hopes up. And I keep reminding myself that it will completely interfere with all the plans of going to school and moving (all our health insurance is through my job, so leaving a job with great benefits would be very, very stupid if I'm pregnant). But, that part of me seems to be in the minority. The majority of me desperately hopes that I'm actually pregnant. That part has already looked up what the due date would be and early pregnancy symptoms, etc.

I don't want to be disappointed, and I'm afraid that this might end in disappointment for me. And, yet, the glimmer is still there. I took a home pregnancy test this morning, and the negative came up pretty quickly, but the line to make it a positive was there. By there, I mean it is either a very, very, very faint line (which it would be at this point) or I burned the test with the rays shooting out of my eyes trying to see a plus sign. I'm going crazy. It is all that I can think about. I haven't gotten any work done this morning because I'm sitting here focusing on every little twinge that goes through my body. This week is getting very long.