I'm going crazy!

I wish my period would just start already! As long as it hasn't appeared (and it isn't scheduled to until Monday or Tuesday), I can't give up the hope of being pregnant. I want to be so badly that I have convinced myself that I am. I have absolutely no signs of starting anytime soon except for the crazy mood swings I've been having (and guess what those could also be a sign of?). Either my period need to come or I need a positive pregnancy test. One or the other. Because living in this limbo state where I can allow myself to think I'm pregnant is about to drive me out of my ever-loving mind. Hopefully, a week from now, I can claim that my insanity is just pregnancy hormones. More likely, I will just have a bad week. Either way. At this point, I don't care. I just want a definative answer either way. The negative home pregnancy tests (yes, more than one) probably aren't a good sign. The problem is that I don't believe them. Why can't I just believe that I'm not pregnant and move on? Why do I have this overwhelming feeling that I am? I am just setting myself up to be very, very disappointed. I tell myself that the pregnancy tests don't show because it's too early (even those that say you can test before your period). But, the way that I see it, if I have enough hormones in my system to cause the symptoms, wouldn't I have enough hormones to show a positive on the test? Hmm? Good question, right? Here's too much information for you, I'm having discharge now. What the hell is that? I never have that before I start my period. So, isn't that nice of my body to try to give me false hopes? I'm going to go nuts before this is done. My husband will be sure to use about 3 methods of protection from now on because he certainly won't want another child with my genetics! (Just so you know, I'm totally kidding). My husband is a good guy who told me that he would be happy if I was pregnant even if it does mean that a lot (and I mean A LOT) of plans will be screwed up. But, he also told me that I couldn't take any home pregnancy tests until he got back. He left Wednesday. Gets back tonight. I already have a test for tomorrow morning. When it comes out negative, I think I will just cry and start pounding on my abdomen until my period starts. Sorry for this long, rambling disjointed post. My brain has turned to sludge until I know whether or not I'm pregnant.