129/73

That's a very good thing to see (especially when shopping with two children who stayed up too late, got up too early and haven't quit whining all day, but I'm not griping or anything).

Hubby and I have been talking a lot and we had a very long discussion on Christmas Eve about our future together (or if there is one). Heaven help me, but I love the man even with all his faults. I think he's still thinking that he got off too easy and that I'm still waiting to drop the bomb on him. And I'm not sure how to convince him that I'm not going to divorce him (wouldn't I have done that already if I was going to?). He's still mired down in a lot of guilt and seems to think I deserve better, so he doesn't want to hold me back from this ideal life he thinks I could lead without him. Personally, I want a life with him. I want him to come home and to build our life together. He's gone so much. I don't think he's cheating on me; I think he's depressed, and he can't seem to see it. I've updated his resume for him (at his request - his only computer access is through a work computer, and he is hesitant to search for a new job while working at his current job). And I'll probably do his applications for him as well. I'm still trying to be positive. I just wish I knew what he was thinking and feeling. He still opens up to me, so I guess I have to trust that what he's telling me is true. He mentioned something last night about seeing what our options are as far as home loans. With our bad credit, probably not much, but maybe an FHA loan or something. A small part of me is hesitant, but mostly, I think this is a step in the right direction. I hope I'm not making a big mistake.