This is what I've dealt with the past
Tuesday, almost 3 weeks ago: "Your daughter bit someone today, but she was trying to hold onto her toy, so it's no big deal." Yes, she actually said that it's no big deal. It is to me. Damn it, it's been so long. She's been doing well. That means that I have to sign a form. So, I read the form while the teacher waits impatiently. I don't know if I'm the only parent who actually reads it before I sign it, but I'm not signing it without reading it. She bit a little boy (oops, they're not supposed to tell me that) on the arm because he was trying to take her toy. It was 8:30, and the teacher was Ramona. Hmm...Ramona. Don't know her. Haven't ever heard of her. I drop her off at 7:30 with Angela. Why does she already have a different teacher one hour later? And who the hell is Ramona? I'm already inclined to dislike her because she didn't fill out the form correctly. They fill out the same form for the biter and the bitee. Under the section on what she did after the incident, she told how she took care of the other child. Um, hello! It might be more helpful to me to know how my child was punished. Are we all consistent in handling the situation? You know, time out, loss of toy, severe beating, etc. Totally kidding about the beating by the way. I assume that she loses the toy and can't play with it. Fine, one time thing. No big deal.
Thursday, same week: "Your daughter bit someone again today." Okay, give me the damn form. Hmmm.....Ramona, 8:35, fighting over a toy, still not filled out correctly. Okay, I'm going to remain calm and not go off on a teacher that I've never seen or heard of in front of her co-worker. We'll deal with it if it happens again.
Friday, next week (a week ago): "She bit a kid about half an hour ago." I picked her up a noon because we were leaving town. Because there were so "few" kids, they had combined two classes, so there were about 15 kids in this classroom with Angela and.....you guessed it....Ramona. Since Angela filled out the form, I read through it and sign it. Fighting over a toy. What is Ramona doing in this time? Of course, I am watching her...she is standing in the middle of the room looking lost and confused. I'm so not kidding. One of my daughter's classmates comes up to her holding her tennis shoes. Her response, "Uh, Angela, whose shoes are these?" Well, let's see. The child who brought you the shoes is wearing only socks. Every other child in the room is wearing his/her shoes. Let's use the process of elimination to try and figure out whose shoes they might be. No wonder my daughter bit someone. It's very hard for her teacher to watch 15 instead of the usual 7.
Okay, in case you're wondering why this is pissing me off so much (and why I sound like I blame daycare completely -- which I don't).
1. She doesn't bite at home. Only other children who are trying to take her toys. Therefore, the tone I get when they tell me that she bit another child is so accusatory (like I failed as a parent) and it is laced with a what-are-you-going-to-do-about-it tone. Um, well, 7 hours after the fact, there's not much I can do, now, is there? I can take her home and tell her how biting is wrong. I have. She'll tell you, plain as day, "Biting, no! Biting bad!" That's right.
2. But biting is effective. Child grabs toy trying to take it away, my child bites said child, said child lets go instantly. How can I argue with something so effective? The thing is this. My daughter can be pretty loud. If a child tries to take her toy, she will cause a commotion to say the least. I've watched her do this at daycare (yes, I spy through the window in the door when I pick her up). Angela goes over and handles the situation before anyone gets bitten. So, as I see it, one of two things is happening. My daughter is making a scene and Ramona isn't reacting to it, so my daughter "solves" the problem. Or my daughter goes straight to biting (which I can't imagine). The only reason that I can think of that she would do that is that Ramona has made it clear in the past that she's not going to react.
3. My daughter bites children on the arms and hands to get them to let go of a toy. It always involves someone taking her toy (or what she thinks should be her toy). She doesn't get in a little baby fight with another child and pull hair and bite. She doesn't just go around randomly biting people. Just those who have "her" toy. All I want to know is what the toy is and if it is the same toy every time. I think it is. There are 2 or 3 of every toy in the classroom except for the shopping cart. My daughter has one at home, so I can imagine her claiming it as hers even if she didn't have her hands on it first. There is one shopping cart. Here's a thought. If we don't have at least 2, don't put it in the classroom. I'm sure it's a well documented fact that the fewer there are of a toy, the more popular it becomes.
4. Angela tells me at least every other day that "She tried to bite someone, but I stopped her." Great. That's your job. You want a medal? I pay you to make sure no one hurts her and that she doesn't hurt anyone else. At least Angela stops her in time.
Okay, I worked in a daycare, so I'm trying not to blame them. I know. From reading this post, it doesn't sound like that at all. But really, I am trying. The problem is that I don't have a way to work on this. She doesn't do it at home. She does it at daycare.
Enough of the rant. I do have a good story. I took my daughter outside so that the dishes could be done without her "help." We were sitting in the driveway, and I told her to sing me a song. She did! I couldn't believe it.
She stood in front of me and moved her hand up and down, smacked herself on the forehead, did the "raining" part from the Itsy-Bitsy Spider and then shook her finger and said, "No, no, no!" The entire time she was "singing" the words. You had to see the first hand movement to realize that she was singing, "Little Bunny Foo-Foo."
It was so adorable. Then she ran in circles around me and squatted down. I recognized this one as her version of "Ring Around The Rosie."
She was in a great mood last night; therefore, so was I. Until she woke up at 4:30 this morning. Doesn't she realize that mommy needs sleep? And that Mimi isn't home to hand her off to (my mother is an angel -- I usually get to sleep late on Saturday mornings because my mom comes in and takes my daughter when she thinks it's time to get up at 7:00 am)? After an hour of patting, dummy searching, milk fetching, and more patting, she goes back to sleep. Okay. Do you have any idea how hard it is to fall back asleep at 5:35 am knowing that the alarm will go off at 6?
Maybe that's why I'm a grouch today. But Mimi comes home tonight, so I should get to sleep late tomorrow. That ought to help.
2 comments:
sleep well tonite. good luck with the biting thing. I remember those days...course hickey's will be the next thing!!!!
Julia bit when she first went to school- I think it was like twice. The first time it was because some kid knocked her into the water fountain and the second time (the same kid) hit her. I think that you are right and it is some kind of defense that she is putting up (someone taking something from her). School can be an agressive place and sometimes I don't blame them for fighting back :)
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