So young, yet classmates.com keeps reminding me that my 10 year reunion is next year. No shit?! They think I can’t count? I did learn something in those years I spent in school.
I’m really torn on this reunion thing, and I don’t need a reminder over a year in advance. On the one hand, I want to go. I want to see the people I went to high school with, see how they turned out. Who has kids, who’s gotten married, who’s gotten divorced, who lives where, etc. Wanna hear my reason for not going? This is good. I don’t have a degree. I graduated valedictorian in my class, and in 10 years I haven’t gotten a degree. And somehow, I can’t face everyone I knew because of that one thing.
My rational mind knows this is a ridiculous reason – I’m married to a wonderful man (who I would have to beg to go LOL), I have two beautiful children, a good job, bills paid, everything I could want for this point in my life except for the degree (and owning my own home, but I figure I’ve still got plenty of time for that – I bet most people at the reunion don’t own their homes – maybe by the 20 year reunion).
Okay, maybe it’s more complicated than that. It’s the judgement from the people I went to high school with. I should probably point out that I graduated in a class of 45 people in a small, conservative town where everyone’s parents knew everyone else’s parents (except mine, of course). I never felt excluded so much as I never felt included. And part of that was on purpose. There was no one there I was dying to be friends with. I’ll be brutally honest here. I wasn’t close to anyone. I didn’t date, I was shy, I was nerdy, and I was okay with that persona. I guess that’s why I have reservations about the reunion. Without a degree, I’m not the shy, nerdy high school person. I’m just me. And I’m not sure anyone has ever seen who “just Alison” is, and I’m not sure I want them to. Ah, self discovery through blogging. I’ve never actually thought about it in these terms.
And, there is an evil part of me. The part that wants to see some of the popular, pretty girls from high school after they’ve aged 10 years. Am I horrible or what?! Don’t answer that – I’ve got myself mostly convinced that’s why most people go to reunions! For all that I would like to lose 20 more pounds, I still look pretty damn good (if I do say so myself) for someone my age with two kids, or hey, I don’t look bad in general. LOL I saw one of those popular people a couple of years ago. I almost didn’t recognize her. I swear she looked 10 years older than me (and I don’t think I look that young). So, the only part of me that wants to go is the curious and very mean part of me.
Fortunately, I have another year to decide. And if I lose those 20 pounds and once again fit into the little black dress I wore in college (not sure if it would even fit over my hips anymore no matter how much weight I lose LOL), maybe I’ll consider it. If nothing else, just to prove I’m not afraid of them anymore, and I don’t care what they think. And if I could truly make myself believe that, I would have no qualms about going.
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2 comments:
Okay.. can I just say? I went to mine last year and all those pretty popular girls? Just as f-ing pretty now.. even AFTER a couple kids..
Actually. It was super awkward and I ended up needing to drink to get through it.. kind of sucked big time because then I was just stupid. And while I did have my wonderful husband there I DID have to A) talk him into it and B) talk him into it again and again and again which wasn't too hard because I went to his which was halfway across the country and consisted of about 12 people because he graduated from the smallest high school that side of Montana.
Good luck with the decision!
I've never been to my reunions (10 year was back in 1998, and I'm coming up on 20 years next year! OMG!) I don't feel that old! (I graduated from hs in Hawaii, so hence there is no way to go unless I spend serious $$.)
Anyway, back to you. We women can never get over some insecurities can we? I would have the exact same qualms as you about going...I think your situation is harder since your school was so small. I think you are strong enough to handle it, whatever happens - plus I am SURE you look great!!
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