This is a downer post....

Please feel free to skip it.

I just love hormones. I can go from optimistic and happy to unhappy and crying. All within the span of a few hours.

Last night, I had a bad night. I wanted to just curl up in a little ball in a hole somewhere. It's an ongoing thing -- how to make time for everything that has to get done, and somewhere along the way, I've lost the ability to make it work. Or maybe this will all be better after my period is over.

I just feel like I'm stretched too thin. And, realistically, I'm smart enough to realize that I put all this pressure on myself.

At work, I try to make sure everything gets done, but there are times I just feel incompetent and like I don't know how to do the simplest tasks. No one at work has complained about any of my work, and in all reality, I do know how to do a lot of things--there's just a lot of things that I do in my job, so a lot of new things pop up periodically.

At home, I feel just as incompetent. I feel like I'm letting Hubby down when I don't get things done and he's cooking dinner every night (yes, I get dinner every night as soon as I get home -- just walk in and eat). He often cleans up and does the dishes and keeps the laundry going. I have to keep the laundry folded (he doesn't fold clothes for some reason, but I don't mind doing that part if I don't have to do the rest), but I know that I don't keep up with all my stuff sometimes. I know that he sees it for what it is -- he's in school 2 days a week and home 3 days a week, so he's got more time to do these things. Plus, he loves to cook. But, I feel like I should be able to keep up with it all. And I can't.

I'm having a horrible Mommy time too. Miss Priss is a typical 3-year-old who is into everything and makes messes and doesn't listen (that drives me up the wall). I feel like I expect too much out of her, that I do too much yelling and not enough fun positive attention things with her. I know these are all things that are my fault and things that I can change, but the feeling is still there of why can't I just relax a little bit?

Baby Boo gets a lot more leeway since she's the baby, but that is wrong in itself. I don't want her to get away with everything since she's the baby, but I can't remember when we started doing what with Miss Priss. Baby Boo has learned a lot from her sister, so she seems older than she is. And she is so stubborn! When she is mad or wants something, she will scream until she gets it. Too often, I give in and give her what she wants. After working all day, the last thing I want to come home to is screaming children.

But that's the case most of the time. They're asleep when I leave in the morning, and by the time I get home, it seems like I get cranky, whiny, tired kids.

I'm getting fat again, but instead of being motivated to fix the problem, I just leave it as oh, well, so what? I really don't care.

So, I'm still in a funk today. Hubby, God bless him, is trying to help. He wants me to decide what I want for dinner and he'll make it. And he's going to get something from the store for me and Miss Priss to do together. Just a fun little Mommy-Daughter activity. And I'm not supposed to worry about the house being clean or what-not. But, still. Just one of those weeks.