I'm Better Today

Really. Sometimes a pity party is in order, you know?

I've decided the little Bugger I'm incubating has already got her days and nights confused. I'm hoping when she can actually see day and night that will change. She is pretty quiet through most of the day, but when I lie down to go to sleep, I get attacked from the inside.

My daughter's best friend (as much as a 2 year old can have a best friend) who is also 2 had to get stitches last night. She had a really cute little band-aid across her forehead this morning. Poor little thing. Even worse, she's going to smack my daughter before the day is out for repeatedly asking, "What happened?" My daughter must have asked her at least a dozen times in the 4 minutes before I left.

That's my daughter's new thing. "What happened?" Over and over again. I think she's preparing me for when she reaches the "Why?" stage. I don't want to be this prepared. If I drop something on the floor (and manage not to curse -- that's the tricky part), she asks, "What happened, Mama?"
"Oh, I just dropped on the floor."
"You dropped it?"
"Yes."
"What happened?" (Didn't I just explain this part?)

She is also learning to say that she is sorry. Our timeout routine consists of the following:
1. She does something wrong (usually hitting, kicking, or spitting).
2. I take her to timeout (she has her own corner -- lucky her).
3. She sits and cries for about 15 seconds.
4. She quits crying and starts looking for stuff to play with.
5. I let her sit for another 45 seconds or so. I've found that timeout is ineffective once she starts looking for stuff to play with. Then it's just a timeout for mommy.
6. I get down on my knees and tell her to come to me.
7. She runs over arms already out (she knows the drill).
8. I ask her what she did wrong (no hugs until this question can be answered). She's gotten to where she can tell me. My husband thinks this is because there are very few offenses that she gets put in timeout for, so she just starts going through the list (in actuality, she doesn't list them -- she usually knows exactly why she was in trouble).
9. I repeat why she was in timeout and tell her why what she did was wrong.
10. Then she hugs me and tells me that she's sorry.

Timeout with Daddy goes like this:
1. She does something wrong.
2. Warning from Daddy.
3. She does it again.
4. Another warning.
5. And one more time.
6. No more warnings.
7. He takes her to timeout.
8. She screams and cries like she's being tortured (for about 15 seconds -- apparently that is her attention span).
9. She then doesn't bother to get up or anything, but starts saying, "Sorry, Daddy," from her corner.
10. He tells her to come out.
11. She runs over and gives him a hug.
12. He asks her what she did wrong.
13. She says, "Ummmmm..........."
14. He tells her and tells her why it was wrong.
15. Another hug.

Don't you love our consistency? Several warnings from Daddy, but Mommy means business. Don't mess with Mommy. She will just stick you in timeout. I'm sure child experts would tell me that I'm messing her up. She needs another chance to do better. Yeah, when I am nice enough to give warnings (more consistency), she spits at me (kind of a raspberry kind of thing, but the disrespect is there -- she's learned not to hit at or kick at Mommy).

Don't worry, Mommy actually gives warnings for most things. There are just a few (biting, hitting, kicking, and spitting top the list) that are zero-tolerance offenses with me. It's an automatic timout with no warnings.

I hope she's in a good mood when I pick her up today. Despite the sinus headache that is centered around my left eye, I'm in a pretty good mood myself. I'd be in a better mood if I hadn't been exposed to strep throat, but, you know, what can I do? I'm hoping that the person who had it was already past the contagious phase.

What Can I Say?

It's been a depressing week. I'm tired, but I can't sleep. I'm stressed about how everything is going to work out money-wise. The current plan is for my daughter and I to move and join my husband where he is working now when the baby arrives. Then, while he gains more experience in his chosen profession, I get to be a stay-at-home mom for a year.

I am really looking forward to that. I would love to see my baby's first year and be with my daughter for that time. Hey, potty training might actually work then. However, I'm not sure how we're going to work out health insurance since my husband's department doesn't offer it. And I won't go without health insurance for my children or myself. But, it will get sorted out one way or another.

My daughter is doing well on the biting front. Meaning, she hasn't. Her teacher is sending me notes, and I am letting her know the days that I think she'll be a problem. I'm trying to spend more time with her and play with her more. We had a tea party last night. It was fun.

I'll try to write more tomorrow.

Meeting With The Director

My husband and I met with the director this morning. The attitude was a little different, so we were all pretty relaxed. She showed us a few of the reports of my daughter's biting. Apparently, the problem is two things. Number one: She only bites other kids to get what she wants. It almost always revolves around a toy. Number two: Apparently, she keeps going after the same kid. That is because she and this other little boy play together a lot. When she gets tired of playing together, she decides the toy is hers for the taking. And it all goes downhill from there.

We did end up bringing in the main teacher in the class to talk with her. In trying to pinpoint where the problem lies, we looked at when she has the most trouble. Daycare looks at time of day. My husband and I were looking at days of the week. She bites overwhelmingly on Wednesdays and Thursdays -- the days my husband leaves to go to work. So, missing daddy seems to be part of the problem. My husband also pointed out that with the new baby on the way, she's become pretty possessive of things that she thinks are hers (very observant of him - I haven't noticed that). We've gotten a few gifts that are for "the baby," so she has started hoarding her toys and points out that they are her toys. She might be doing the same thing at school. She doesn't bite randomly. She bites to get the toy she wants or thinks is hers.

So, the plan for now is:
1. Nicole (her teacher) is going to write notes on the back of her daily sheet and try to keep me in the loop as far as what she is doing and if she is having any problems. I, in turn, will make sure she knows the days that my husband goes back to work, so that her teachers know she might need a little extra TLC.

2. The teachers are going to keep a close eye on her (especially during their group playtime) and try to keep her close to them in order to stop it before it starts.

3. Nicole is going to try and spend a little extra one-on-one time with her. With the new baby on the way, she probably gets a lot of attention about being a "big sister." I will also try to make sure I spend some time with her one-on-one, and my husband and I will develop some sort of plan before he leaves for work to reassure her that daddy will be back on Saturday. He's also going to try and spend some extra one-on-one daddy time with her.

4. If she does bite someone, she goes to timeout (like she has been). She has to look at the bite and apologize to the person she bit. Then they talk about sharing and not hurting their friends.

5. They recently had a teacher just up and leave with no notice, so now that they've replaced her, the teachers are working on getting back onto a more structured schedule. My daughter thrives on routine, so I think this will help as well.

I felt the meeting went well. Both the director and Nicole assured us that she's not a bully by any means. She is a "sweet little girl (their words, not mine although I agree)." I guess we'll see how it goes.

I'm Going To See The Director...

of my daughter's daycare about her biting. Apparently, they have concerns. Nevermind that they've never had concerns when I've tried to talk about it. "She's just 2...." "We know that they do this when they're that age...." "As they get better about using their words, they stop...."

This morning, I got a call from the director that she wants to meet with me tomorrow morning. The biting has become a concern. I don't know what to think. Part of me is mad that it has become a concern all of a sudden. Part of me is mad because she doesn't do this at home, so I'm not sure how to handle it. Obviously, they aren't either. Part of me is just pissy (probably because of hormones) and thinks that it's wrong to label a child as "territorial" when she was "just 2" before. Apparently, there's some magic line you cross where it's not "just 2," and she just becomes "agressive."

No, I don't want my child to be a bully and I don't want her to bite other kids. She's been bitten before, and I certainly don't want her to bite. I want her to learn to express herself and not just use biting as a way of getting what she wants. However, I'm not sure how to handle this since she doesn't behave like this at home. If she hits or pinches, she goes in time out (at home). She knows that acting like that is unacceptable.

I don't want her to be the biter in the class. Part of me is just worried because I don't want to have to find another daycare. I really like the one she is in. However, I think the meeting would be better if it was with the director and the teachers from the class -- they are the ones who have direct contact with my daughter. I think that's part of the problem. I never get to talk to her teachers. One teacher works the same hours I do, so I rarely see her. The other teacher usually has her hands full when I get there and doesn't have time to talk to me. So, maybe I need to see if we can schedule a meeting with the teachers and the director. I'll meet with the director tomorrow morning and see what she suggests.

Panic Attack

I haven't had one in sooooo long -- until yesterday. I really freaked out becuase I had forgotten just how awful it is to have one. If you've never had one, consider yourself lucky; I wouldn't wish them on my worst enemy. I fear that one or both of my children will have them. That really scares me.

I was at work yesterday, and I'm not sure what caused it, but all of a sudden, I knew what was happening. I had one a couple of weeks ago at work, but it wasn't bad and I talked myself "down" from it. I couldn't do that yesterday. I completely panicked. Since everyone is different, I will try to explain what it's like for me. For my father (who had them when he was around my age), he would have the muscle tightening in his chest -- feels like a heart attack. I don't get that. I can feel it start in my neck and radiate down my shoulders. It's a pins and needles kind of feeling (adrenaline rush). I feel really hot all of a sudden. Then I throw up. Until my stomach is completely empty. It's an awful feeling.

I realize that it's "all in my head" (I hate that phrase when describing anxiety attacks because my symptoms are manifested physically and are hardly in my head!) in the sense that my brain and mind are causing it and that there's not real reason to panic. But it's hard to stop once the feelings start in.

I went home from work -- freaked my boss out. She wasn't sure if something was wrong with me and the baby. She called my house last night to check on me.

I thought I would be okay once I left. Nope. Then, the fear of having another attack set in, and I had another one because I was afraid of having a panic attack (what a viscious cycle it is!). Trying to go to bed, I had another one -- same reason. My mind is really bad about jumping to horrible thoughts when I'm scared of panic attacks. What if I can't take care of my daughter because I'm having a panic attack? Had another one when my husband left this morning. Poor guy, I'm sure he's worried about me and the baby. But, (knock on wood), I'm doing pretty well today. Maybe getting my daughter to daycare and proving to myself that I can do that and get ready and such was good for me.

Funny thing, though. The baby was going crazy during this whole time, so I didn't have to worry about her at all. Must be all the adrenaline. Hopefully, her system doesn't process it as panic the way mine does.