Happy Halloween!

I came up with a costume for my daughter over the weekend. I found a clown costume at a secondhand store that was so adorable. I had to do some alterations to it (which is hilarious if you know my sewing skills). But, I must say that it turned out pretty well.

They had a party at her school. I signed up for napkins. Yeah, no cute little crust-less sandwiches for me. No cupcakes (even store bought). I found napkins at the dollar store. Can't get any better than that.

I don't know exactly what we're doing tonight as far as trick-or-treating. We might go out to my parents' house and go through their neighborhood. It's pretty safe, well-lit, and I know everyone in it. I would almost give my daughter stuff that wasn't pre-packaged. Almost. But not quite. I'm still an over-protective parent.

My husband took a day off Saturday so he was home early. It was nice to see him for an extra day. And it's not haircut week, so that's even better.

I'm in a pretty good mood today. Maybe less sleep works well for me. I fell asleep last night around 9:00. We went to bed around 11:00 (I fell asleep on the couch orignally). Finally fell back asleep at about midnight or so and then woke up at 12:34. With heartburn. The kind where I knew I wasn't going back to sleep anytime soon. So, I got up so that I wouldn't disturb my husband. Finally went back to sleep around 3:45 or 4:00. Cell phone alarm went off at 5:00 to remind me to go turn off the alarm in the bedroom so that it wouldn't wake hubby up if I didn't make it back to bed. Almost threw the cell phone across the room. Didn't bother to be the nice wife and go turn off the alarm in the bedroom. It started going off right around 6:00 just as I was falling asleep again. Woke my daughter up (in her defense, she usually gets up at 7:00, so with the time change, she got to watch Dora). Therefore, I'm working on the less is more sleep thing today. I bet I sleep good tonight. Famous last words.

Pray for me....

Please. I'm okay. The baby's okay. I just feel like I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown and I just don't know how much longer I can go on before I snap.

Living in two homes is killing me financially. The numbers never seem to add up to anything but negative.

I try to see the positive. I've been blessed with so many things. I have a wonderful husband, a great 2 year old who's healthy and I'm having another baby. I have a wonderful family.

I don't want a million dollars. I just want enough to make it through the week without crying. Without wondering if daycare or the electric bill is more important. Without praying that the bank only charges me the $20 fee for bouncing the check rather than returning it.

I keep telling myself that it will be better soon. And it will. Once the baby is born, we will move. Probably in January. We won't be paying daycare for a couple of months. We'll only have one rent payment and one utility payment.

It does appear that daycare is cheaper where we are moving to. Like 2 kids will only cost us about $30 - $40 more per week than we are paying now for 1. Therefore, when we move, I'm going to find a job. My husband and I have sort of discussed it. He's pretty much leaving it up to me. We could probably get by on what he makes with the cost of living being so low and not having to pay for daycare.

I've searched out similar jobs to my current job in the area. I could make about what I'm making now. There would be an hour-long commute each way every day, but I could do that. I could have health benefits for my family (one worry gone). We wouldn't be scraping by quite so much. We might actually have money left over at the end of the month. The load off my mind from that alone would be incredible.

I know it will get better. I'm just having trouble seeing the light at the end of the tunnel today.

Happy Birthday, Cody!

Cody would have been 23 today. I still miss him so much.

I Had My Last Ultrasound This Morning.....

Since I am 28 weeks, we did the second ultrasound of this pregnancy. The little bugger looks good -- measuring about 27 weeks give or take a little according to her measurements. Honestly, I put very little stock in her measurements and am not worried about the health or size of my baby. Measuring a squirming baby from an ultrasound is an inexact science to say the least. That being said, baby is approximately 2 lbs, 5 ozs from the measurements taken. Baby is also definitely a girl (still not sure what I'm going to do with 2 girls -- eek!). She looks good -- we got several of the 3D pictures of her little face. She's very cute even if she does appear to have a big nose. My daughter looked that way as well, and she doesn't have a big nose at all.

I had my appointment after the ultrasound (even though they were scheduled the other way around). My blood pressure is good (or at least they didn't say anything about it, so I'm assuming good). Baby is moving well. Heartbeat at 153. He showed me the graphs from the ultrasound. She's measuring just below average. So did my daughter. And she was not quite 7 lbs even though she was born "early" at 37w1d. He's no more concerned about the measurements than I am. He did say that the amniotic fluid was good. And that's good. The right amount of amniotic fluid means that baby is doing well. Apparently, for amniotic fluid levels to be at the right level, baby has to be taking in some fluid and it has to pass through their system (yes that means that baby is ingesting what came out the other end or at least that's how I understand it -- I could be wrong -- I'm not a doctor by any means). In order for it to pass through her system, her little brain has to be functioning correctly. Her heart looks good -- several good shots of that. Her kidneys are looking good -- both functioning normally from the looks of things. Stomach and bladder. Check. Beautiful little face. Check. Little girl parts. Check.

Oh, and she has a little hair. My daughter had long hair that was visible in her 28 week ultrasound. I'm talking already a half inch long 9 weeks before she was born. She had lots of hair. This one has a little hair, but nothing like what my daughter had. I think I need to find the 3D picture of my daughter and see how much they looked alike in utero. It would be a fun little comparison. I'm very curious how much they'll look alike. So, we're at 28 weeks. That leaves about 10 weeks and a few days to go. I have a little over 11 weeks until my due date, but I won't make it to my due date. That has already been discussed with my doctor. I will have a scheduled induction sometime in the week between Christmas and New Year's . No, I do not want a New Year's baby. That doesn't give me the tax credit I want.

So, I will go back in a month and then every 2 weeks for a month and then every week until she's born. My husband and I are trying to make sure we see family this holiday season. Since his work schedule is weird, it looks like I will be traveling to my grandparents' house with my parents for Thanksgiving. That's the big family Thanksgiving with about 20 people or so. Love seeing everyone, but not for so long. Hopefully next month before Thanksgiving, we'll have a chance to go and visit my in-laws. We haven't been to their house since Memorial Day or so although they've visited us a couple of times.

Then there's Christmas. Since the little bugger will make her arrival sometime in there, that's going to be interesting. I'm not sure what my in-laws are planning as far as visiting us right after she's born, but I know that my grandmother is going to be in town. I've already warned my mother that I cannot be held responsible for anything the pregnancy hormones say to her in anger. I'm sure we'll all be on our best behavior. Oh, I hope so. My husband is still working out all the stuff from work so that he'll be off for a little while right after the little bugger gets here.

I'm Better Today

Really. Sometimes a pity party is in order, you know?

I've decided the little Bugger I'm incubating has already got her days and nights confused. I'm hoping when she can actually see day and night that will change. She is pretty quiet through most of the day, but when I lie down to go to sleep, I get attacked from the inside.

My daughter's best friend (as much as a 2 year old can have a best friend) who is also 2 had to get stitches last night. She had a really cute little band-aid across her forehead this morning. Poor little thing. Even worse, she's going to smack my daughter before the day is out for repeatedly asking, "What happened?" My daughter must have asked her at least a dozen times in the 4 minutes before I left.

That's my daughter's new thing. "What happened?" Over and over again. I think she's preparing me for when she reaches the "Why?" stage. I don't want to be this prepared. If I drop something on the floor (and manage not to curse -- that's the tricky part), she asks, "What happened, Mama?"
"Oh, I just dropped on the floor."
"You dropped it?"
"Yes."
"What happened?" (Didn't I just explain this part?)

She is also learning to say that she is sorry. Our timeout routine consists of the following:
1. She does something wrong (usually hitting, kicking, or spitting).
2. I take her to timeout (she has her own corner -- lucky her).
3. She sits and cries for about 15 seconds.
4. She quits crying and starts looking for stuff to play with.
5. I let her sit for another 45 seconds or so. I've found that timeout is ineffective once she starts looking for stuff to play with. Then it's just a timeout for mommy.
6. I get down on my knees and tell her to come to me.
7. She runs over arms already out (she knows the drill).
8. I ask her what she did wrong (no hugs until this question can be answered). She's gotten to where she can tell me. My husband thinks this is because there are very few offenses that she gets put in timeout for, so she just starts going through the list (in actuality, she doesn't list them -- she usually knows exactly why she was in trouble).
9. I repeat why she was in timeout and tell her why what she did was wrong.
10. Then she hugs me and tells me that she's sorry.

Timeout with Daddy goes like this:
1. She does something wrong.
2. Warning from Daddy.
3. She does it again.
4. Another warning.
5. And one more time.
6. No more warnings.
7. He takes her to timeout.
8. She screams and cries like she's being tortured (for about 15 seconds -- apparently that is her attention span).
9. She then doesn't bother to get up or anything, but starts saying, "Sorry, Daddy," from her corner.
10. He tells her to come out.
11. She runs over and gives him a hug.
12. He asks her what she did wrong.
13. She says, "Ummmmm..........."
14. He tells her and tells her why it was wrong.
15. Another hug.

Don't you love our consistency? Several warnings from Daddy, but Mommy means business. Don't mess with Mommy. She will just stick you in timeout. I'm sure child experts would tell me that I'm messing her up. She needs another chance to do better. Yeah, when I am nice enough to give warnings (more consistency), she spits at me (kind of a raspberry kind of thing, but the disrespect is there -- she's learned not to hit at or kick at Mommy).

Don't worry, Mommy actually gives warnings for most things. There are just a few (biting, hitting, kicking, and spitting top the list) that are zero-tolerance offenses with me. It's an automatic timout with no warnings.

I hope she's in a good mood when I pick her up today. Despite the sinus headache that is centered around my left eye, I'm in a pretty good mood myself. I'd be in a better mood if I hadn't been exposed to strep throat, but, you know, what can I do? I'm hoping that the person who had it was already past the contagious phase.

What Can I Say?

It's been a depressing week. I'm tired, but I can't sleep. I'm stressed about how everything is going to work out money-wise. The current plan is for my daughter and I to move and join my husband where he is working now when the baby arrives. Then, while he gains more experience in his chosen profession, I get to be a stay-at-home mom for a year.

I am really looking forward to that. I would love to see my baby's first year and be with my daughter for that time. Hey, potty training might actually work then. However, I'm not sure how we're going to work out health insurance since my husband's department doesn't offer it. And I won't go without health insurance for my children or myself. But, it will get sorted out one way or another.

My daughter is doing well on the biting front. Meaning, she hasn't. Her teacher is sending me notes, and I am letting her know the days that I think she'll be a problem. I'm trying to spend more time with her and play with her more. We had a tea party last night. It was fun.

I'll try to write more tomorrow.

Meeting With The Director

My husband and I met with the director this morning. The attitude was a little different, so we were all pretty relaxed. She showed us a few of the reports of my daughter's biting. Apparently, the problem is two things. Number one: She only bites other kids to get what she wants. It almost always revolves around a toy. Number two: Apparently, she keeps going after the same kid. That is because she and this other little boy play together a lot. When she gets tired of playing together, she decides the toy is hers for the taking. And it all goes downhill from there.

We did end up bringing in the main teacher in the class to talk with her. In trying to pinpoint where the problem lies, we looked at when she has the most trouble. Daycare looks at time of day. My husband and I were looking at days of the week. She bites overwhelmingly on Wednesdays and Thursdays -- the days my husband leaves to go to work. So, missing daddy seems to be part of the problem. My husband also pointed out that with the new baby on the way, she's become pretty possessive of things that she thinks are hers (very observant of him - I haven't noticed that). We've gotten a few gifts that are for "the baby," so she has started hoarding her toys and points out that they are her toys. She might be doing the same thing at school. She doesn't bite randomly. She bites to get the toy she wants or thinks is hers.

So, the plan for now is:
1. Nicole (her teacher) is going to write notes on the back of her daily sheet and try to keep me in the loop as far as what she is doing and if she is having any problems. I, in turn, will make sure she knows the days that my husband goes back to work, so that her teachers know she might need a little extra TLC.

2. The teachers are going to keep a close eye on her (especially during their group playtime) and try to keep her close to them in order to stop it before it starts.

3. Nicole is going to try and spend a little extra one-on-one time with her. With the new baby on the way, she probably gets a lot of attention about being a "big sister." I will also try to make sure I spend some time with her one-on-one, and my husband and I will develop some sort of plan before he leaves for work to reassure her that daddy will be back on Saturday. He's also going to try and spend some extra one-on-one daddy time with her.

4. If she does bite someone, she goes to timeout (like she has been). She has to look at the bite and apologize to the person she bit. Then they talk about sharing and not hurting their friends.

5. They recently had a teacher just up and leave with no notice, so now that they've replaced her, the teachers are working on getting back onto a more structured schedule. My daughter thrives on routine, so I think this will help as well.

I felt the meeting went well. Both the director and Nicole assured us that she's not a bully by any means. She is a "sweet little girl (their words, not mine although I agree)." I guess we'll see how it goes.

I'm Going To See The Director...

of my daughter's daycare about her biting. Apparently, they have concerns. Nevermind that they've never had concerns when I've tried to talk about it. "She's just 2...." "We know that they do this when they're that age...." "As they get better about using their words, they stop...."

This morning, I got a call from the director that she wants to meet with me tomorrow morning. The biting has become a concern. I don't know what to think. Part of me is mad that it has become a concern all of a sudden. Part of me is mad because she doesn't do this at home, so I'm not sure how to handle it. Obviously, they aren't either. Part of me is just pissy (probably because of hormones) and thinks that it's wrong to label a child as "territorial" when she was "just 2" before. Apparently, there's some magic line you cross where it's not "just 2," and she just becomes "agressive."

No, I don't want my child to be a bully and I don't want her to bite other kids. She's been bitten before, and I certainly don't want her to bite. I want her to learn to express herself and not just use biting as a way of getting what she wants. However, I'm not sure how to handle this since she doesn't behave like this at home. If she hits or pinches, she goes in time out (at home). She knows that acting like that is unacceptable.

I don't want her to be the biter in the class. Part of me is just worried because I don't want to have to find another daycare. I really like the one she is in. However, I think the meeting would be better if it was with the director and the teachers from the class -- they are the ones who have direct contact with my daughter. I think that's part of the problem. I never get to talk to her teachers. One teacher works the same hours I do, so I rarely see her. The other teacher usually has her hands full when I get there and doesn't have time to talk to me. So, maybe I need to see if we can schedule a meeting with the teachers and the director. I'll meet with the director tomorrow morning and see what she suggests.